The Kracken Party

Post Reply
User avatar
D.A. Ridgely
Posts: 20823
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:09
Location: The Other Side

The Kracken Party

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

Let's face it, America needs a new political party, a party that could attract lunatics from across the political spectrum including infrared and ultraviolet. And we're just the folks to get it kick-started, don't you think?

So I'm going with the Kracken Party as a working title, and here are what I think should be a few of its founding principles:

1. We firmly believe whatever we choose to firmly believe, firmly, especially in the face of any evidence to the contrary or allegedly logical inconsistency.

2. America is #1. I know, that should have been #1, but for small enough magnitudes of 2, 2 is essentially 1, anyway.

2.5. America is also #2, #3, #4, #5, though for inexplicable reasons it is not #6 through #9, but it picks up again at #10 and so forth.

9/3. As demonstrated by #2.5, America is also all the rational fractions between these numbers. However, we strongly denounce the flagrantly nonsensical and foreign notion of irrational numbers except when referring to our opponents, all of whom are irrational and probably really foreigners who infiltrated between #6 and #9 while we were in the bathroom enjoying our God-given right to American plumbing.

E. As hardworking American patriots, we believe in a balanced budget paid for entirely by rich people, China and any loose change under the seat cushions.

D. We refuse to accept any and all oppressive rules or claims by the Coastal Elites and so-called 'intellectuals' such as alphabetical order.

Next. Where the hell are our flying cars!

***

You get the idea.

Additions, subtractions, friendly amendments, hostile amendments, mottoes, proposed flag designs and, most importantly, irrelevant remarks are welcome.

WE CAN DO THIS THING! AMERICA IS DEPENDING ON US!
User avatar
thoreau
Posts: 31033
Joined: 06 May 2010, 12:56
Location: Back to the lab again

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by thoreau »

If America needs a party for lunatics, the LP already exists.
"saying 'socialism' where normies can hear it is wrapping a bunch of barbed wire around a bat, handing the bat to the GOP, and standing with your head in the strike zone."
--Lunchstealer
User avatar
D.A. Ridgely
Posts: 20823
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:09
Location: The Other Side

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

thoreau wrote: 01 Jan 2021, 00:08 If America needs a party for lunatics, the LP already exists.
America has plenty of parties for lunatics but they don't think big enough. Even the LP doesn't demand flying cars.
User avatar
Aresen
Posts: 17680
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 20:18
Location: Great White Pacific Northwest

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by Aresen »

D.A. Ridgely wrote: 31 Dec 2020, 22:28 Let's face it, America needs a new political party, a party that could attract lunatics from across the political spectrum including infrared and ultraviolet. And we're just the folks to get it kick-started, don't you think?

So I'm going with the Kracken Party as a working title, and here are what I think should be a few of its founding principles:

1. We firmly believe whatever we choose to firmly believe, firmly, especially in the face of any evidence to the contrary or allegedly logical inconsistency.

2. America is #1. I know, that should have been #1, but for small enough magnitudes of 2, 2 is essentially 1, anyway.

2.5. America is also #2, #3, #4, #5, though for inexplicable reasons it is not #6 through #9, but it picks up again at #10 and so forth.

9/3. As demonstrated by #2.5, America is also all the rational fractions between these numbers. However, we strongly denounce the flagrantly nonsensical and foreign notion of irrational numbers except when referring to our opponents, all of whom are irrational and probably really foreigners who infiltrated between #6 and #9 while we were in the bathroom enjoying our God-given right to American plumbing.

E. As hardworking American patriots, we believe in a balanced budget paid for entirely by rich people, China and any loose change under the seat cushions.

D. We refuse to accept any and all oppressive rules or claims by the Coastal Elites and so-called 'intellectuals' such as alphabetical order.

Next. Where the hell are our flying cars!

***

You get the idea.

Additions, subtractions, friendly amendments, hostile amendments, mottoes, proposed flag designs and, most importantly, irrelevant remarks are welcome.

WE CAN DO THIS THING! AMERICA IS DEPENDING ON US!
Σ. Somebody else must pay for it.

Z. It's not our fault.

6.2832.. It's a plot by George Soros. Or Jeff Bezos. Or both.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex
User avatar
Jennifer
Posts: 26550
Joined: 28 Apr 2010, 14:03

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by Jennifer »

D.A. Ridgely wrote: 01 Jan 2021, 00:44 Even the LP doesn't demand flying cars.
Because their support for ferrets' rights keep them too well-grounded for that.
"Myself, despite what they say about libertarians, I think we're actually allowed to pursue options beyond futility or sucking the dicks of the powerful." -- Eric the .5b
User avatar
thoreau
Posts: 31033
Joined: 06 May 2010, 12:56
Location: Back to the lab again

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by thoreau »

Here's their platform:
20210102_090943.jpg
20210102_090943.jpg (52.54 KiB) Viewed 69 times
"saying 'socialism' where normies can hear it is wrapping a bunch of barbed wire around a bat, handing the bat to the GOP, and standing with your head in the strike zone."
--Lunchstealer
User avatar
Shem
Posts: 8789
Joined: 27 Apr 2010, 00:27

Re: The Kracken Party

Post by Shem »

"VOTE SHEMOCRACY! You will only have to do it once!" -Loyalty Officer Aresen
Post Reply