Light laffs

[Mo]

For example, how many swans arrested him?

[JasonL]

We are being overly generous to violent sleazy swans here. The are the good looking Hollywood rapist dudes of the pond. They are just geese in nice clothes.

[the innominate one]

#blackswanlivesmatter

[lunchstealer]

#blackswanlivesmatter

#NoSwanLivesMatter

[Tuco]

My band has a song with a title that's a religious reference - "The Fire Next Time" - although it's not remotely a religious song and we're not a religious band. But as a result, we got some interest in playing it from a Christian radio station. We're thinking about saying yes just for laughs...

Hell, yes! Airplay is airplay, man.

[pistoffnick]

[the innominate one]

Stupid first amendment. If only Madison could see what he hath wrought.

[Mo]

If this doesn't make you rethink your position on estate taxes, nothing will.

[the innominate one]

related: https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017/1 ... ng-lawsuit

[Mo]

Here's Wyatt's sketch of the ring thief

[the innominate one]

[lunchstealer]

Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.

[Warren]

Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.

Until they all died of carbon monoxide poisoning from the coal furnace because the senator repealed the regulations.

[thoreau]

Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.

Until they all died of carbon monoxide poisoning from the coal furnace because the senator repealed the regulations.

Not Marine Todd! He punched the carbon monoxide and said "This is from God and the US Marine Corps!" And then they had breathable air.

[Aresen]

Moore: “Hello?”
Yahweh: “Hello, Roy. It’s THE LORD.”
Moore: “Who?”
Yahweh: “You know. Yahweh. Jehovah. The Almighty.”
Moore: “Who you talkin’ about?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “It’s GOD, you twat!”
Moore: “Are you puttin’ me on?”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
Yahweh: “I AM THAT I AM.”
Moore: “You don’t sound like Chuck Heston.”
Yahweh: “Morgan Freeman’s got the job now.”
Moore: “But he’s a n-“
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA, interrupting Moore.
Yahweh: “That word offends me, Roy.”
Moore: “Why, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because I love all my children, Roy.”
Moore: “Even Hillary Clinton?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
Yahweh: “THERE IS NO HELL, ROY.”
Moore: “Why would you want him in Heaven, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because he used his brain, Roy.” (Soft voice) "Unlike some former judges I know."
Moore: “But he denied your creation, Lord.”
Yahweh: “No. He celebrated my creation.”
Moore: “But the Bible says….”
Yahweh: “I know what the Bible says, Roy. Have you ever tried to explain something to a Bronze age mind?” (Soft voice) "Like I’m doing right now."
Moore: “So how did the world begin, Lord.”
Yahweh: “13,778,263,929 years ago, on October 23rd, I caused a macroscopic fluctuation in the quantum field….”
Moore: “Huh?”
Yahweh: “Forget it, Roy. It would take ETERNITY to explain it to you.”
Moore: “Okay, Lord. So, why you callin’?”
Yahweh: “I want you to stop, Roy.”
Moore: “Stop what, Lord?”
Yahweh: “I want you to stop saying I want you to be the Senator from Alabama.”
Moore: (Sounds disappointed.) “You don’t, Lord?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “I do not take sides, Roy. I gave you all Free Will. I don’t interfere.”
Moore: “But Lord, all your miracles and angels and all that. Don’t you care?”
Yahweh: (Mutters) "Even the Bronze Age minds were better than this." “I care, Roy. I love you all. But I want you to do it on your own.”
Moore: (Slightly huffy) “If that’s the case, why do you care what I say, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because it makes me look like a buffoon, Roy.”
Moore: “What do you mean, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Got your Bible handy, Roy?”
Moore: “Yes, Lord. It’s always with me. Right next to my heart.”
Yahweh: *Sigh* “Open it to Genesis, Chapter 20, Verse 7.”
*Sound of pages turning*
Moore: “Got it, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Read what it says, Roy.”
Moore: “ ’Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain’ ”
Yahweh: “Exactly, Roy. I do not like my name being used that way.”
Moore: “You mean I been blaspheming, Lord?”
Yahweh: “You are currently in second place in the world standings.”
Moore: “Who’s number one?”
Yahweh: “Kent Hovind.”
Moore: “So what you want me to do, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Whatever you like, Roy. Just stop using my name.”
Moore: “Okay, Lord. I’ll do that, Lord. Anything else Lord?”
Yahweh: “No, that’s all, Roy. Bye for now.”
Moore: “Well, I’m getting’ on in years, Lord. I suppose I’ll be seeing you soon.”
Yahweh: “For you, Roy, I’m going to break my ‘no miracles’ rule. You’re going to live longer than Methuselah.”
Moore: “Why thank you, Lord.”
Yahweh: “I’m doing it for myself, Roy. Goodbye.”
Moore: “Thanks for calling, Lord. I love ya.”
*Dial Tone*

[Eric the .5b]

Yahweh: “For you, Roy, I’m going to break my ‘no miracles’ rule. You’re going to live longer than Methuselah.”

[dead_elvis]

Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA

This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

[Warren]

Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA

This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

Most amusing. Much lulz.

[Aresen]

This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

Brilliant. But I'd take the cream cake.

[Sandy]

Brilliant. But I'd take the cream cake.

Ditto, and I'd also be happy that it was other people able to see clearly who I'd be around with for eternity, not fealtybots.

[Mo]

Perfect way to end 2017.

[Warren]

Perfect way to end 2017.

no image

[Mo]

Fixed

[the innominate one]

Good news, since SMOD isn't going to be here any time soon.

[Warren]