Light laffs

Music, books, movies, TV, games, hobbies, food, and potent potables. And forum games! Pour a drink, put on your smoking jacket, light a pipe (of whatever), and settle in.
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Mo
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Mo » 20 Dec 2017, 12:02

For example, how many swans arrested him?
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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JasonL
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Re: Light laffs

Post by JasonL » 20 Dec 2017, 12:06

We are being overly generous to violent sleazy swans here. The are the good looking Hollywood rapist dudes of the pond. They are just geese in nice clothes.

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the innominate one
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Re: Light laffs

Post by the innominate one » 20 Dec 2017, 12:13

#blackswanlivesmatter
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -E Benn

"No shit, Sherlock." -JsubD

"now is the time to go fuck yourself until you die." -dhex

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lunchstealer
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Re: Light laffs

Post by lunchstealer » 20 Dec 2017, 17:35

the innominate one wrote:#blackswanlivesmatter
#NoSwanLivesMatter
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

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Tuco
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Tuco » 21 Dec 2017, 01:37

JD wrote:
19 Dec 2017, 16:46
My band has a song with a title that's a religious reference - "The Fire Next Time" - although it's not remotely a religious song and we're not a religious band. But as a result, we got some interest in playing it from a Christian radio station. We're thinking about saying yes just for laughs...
Hell, yes! Airplay is airplay, man.

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pistoffnick
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Re: Light laffs

Post by pistoffnick » 22 Dec 2017, 17:12

Image
Always be suspicious of people who have, or crave, power. - Stanley Kubrick
"Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." - H.L. Mencken
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants." - Albert Camus

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the innominate one
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Re: Light laffs

Post by the innominate one » 22 Dec 2017, 17:36

Stupid first amendment. If only Madison could see what he hath wrought.
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -E Benn

"No shit, Sherlock." -JsubD

"now is the time to go fuck yourself until you die." -dhex

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Mo
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Mo » 22 Dec 2017, 23:18

If this doesn't make you rethink your position on estate taxes, nothing will.

his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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the innominate one
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Re: Light laffs

Post by the innominate one » 22 Dec 2017, 23:23

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -E Benn

"No shit, Sherlock." -JsubD

"now is the time to go fuck yourself until you die." -dhex

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Mo
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Mo » 22 Dec 2017, 23:27

Here's Wyatt's sketch of the ring thief

Image
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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the innominate one
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Re: Light laffs

Post by the innominate one » 22 Dec 2017, 23:29

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -E Benn

"No shit, Sherlock." -JsubD

"now is the time to go fuck yourself until you die." -dhex

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lunchstealer
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Re: Light laffs

Post by lunchstealer » 23 Dec 2017, 01:05

the innominate one wrote:
22 Dec 2017, 23:29
Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"We can't confirm rumors that Lynndie England is in the running to be Gina Haspel's personal aide." - DAR

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Warren
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Warren » 24 Dec 2017, 10:45

lunchstealer wrote:
23 Dec 2017, 01:05
the innominate one wrote:
22 Dec 2017, 23:29
Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.
Until they all died of carbon monoxide poisoning from the coal furnace because the senator repealed the regulations.
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thoreau
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Re: Light laffs

Post by thoreau » 24 Dec 2017, 11:41

Warren wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:
23 Dec 2017, 01:05
the innominate one wrote:
22 Dec 2017, 23:29
Then the dipshit Airman was all "What about Festivus!"

He listed his grievances.

That Airman's name... was SENATOR RAND PAUL!

Then everybody got high and started going on about the Aquabuddha.

It got weird.
Until they all died of carbon monoxide poisoning from the coal furnace because the senator repealed the regulations.
Not Marine Todd! He punched the carbon monoxide and said "This is from God and the US Marine Corps!" And then they had breathable air.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Aresen
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Aresen » 29 Dec 2017, 00:44

Moore: “Hello?”
Yahweh: “Hello, Roy. It’s THE LORD.”
Moore: “Who?”
Yahweh: “You know. Yahweh. Jehovah. The Almighty.”
Moore: “Who you talkin’ about?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “It’s GOD, you twat!”
Moore: “Are you puttin’ me on?”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
Yahweh: “I AM THAT I AM.”
Moore: “You don’t sound like Chuck Heston.”
Yahweh: “Morgan Freeman’s got the job now.”
Moore: “But he’s a n-“
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA, interrupting Moore.
Yahweh: “That word offends me, Roy.”
Moore: “Why, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because I love all my children, Roy.”
Moore: “Even Hillary Clinton?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
Yahweh: “THERE IS NO HELL, ROY.”
Moore: “Why would you want him in Heaven, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because he used his brain, Roy.” (Soft voice) "Unlike some former judges I know."
Moore: “But he denied your creation, Lord.”
Yahweh: “No. He celebrated my creation.”
Moore: “But the Bible says….”
Yahweh: “I know what the Bible says, Roy. Have you ever tried to explain something to a Bronze age mind?” (Soft voice) "Like I’m doing right now."
Moore: “So how did the world begin, Lord.”
Yahweh: “13,778,263,929 years ago, on October 23rd, I caused a macroscopic fluctuation in the quantum field….”
Moore: “Huh?”
Yahweh: “Forget it, Roy. It would take ETERNITY to explain it to you.”
Moore: “Okay, Lord. So, why you callin’?”
Yahweh: “I want you to stop, Roy.”
Moore: “Stop what, Lord?”
Yahweh: “I want you to stop saying I want you to be the Senator from Alabama.”
Moore: (Sounds disappointed.) “You don’t, Lord?”
Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “I do not take sides, Roy. I gave you all Free Will. I don’t interfere.”
Moore: “But Lord, all your miracles and angels and all that. Don’t you care?”
Yahweh: (Mutters) "Even the Bronze Age minds were better than this." “I care, Roy. I love you all. But I want you to do it on your own.”
Moore: (Slightly huffy) “If that’s the case, why do you care what I say, Lord?”
Yahweh: “Because it makes me look like a buffoon, Roy.”
Moore: “What do you mean, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Got your Bible handy, Roy?”
Moore: “Yes, Lord. It’s always with me. Right next to my heart.”
Yahweh: *Sigh* “Open it to Genesis, Chapter 20, Verse 7.”
*Sound of pages turning*
Moore: “Got it, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Read what it says, Roy.”
Moore: ’Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain’
Yahweh: “Exactly, Roy. I do not like my name being used that way.”
Moore: “You mean I been blaspheming, Lord?”
Yahweh: “You are currently in second place in the world standings.”
Moore: “Who’s number one?”
Yahweh: “Kent Hovind.”
Moore: “So what you want me to do, Lord.”
Yahweh: “Whatever you like, Roy. Just stop using my name.”
Moore: “Okay, Lord. I’ll do that, Lord. Anything else Lord?”
Yahweh: “No, that’s all, Roy. Bye for now.”
Moore: “Well, I’m getting’ on in years, Lord. I suppose I’ll be seeing you soon.”
Yahweh: “For you, Roy, I’m going to break my ‘no miracles’ rule. You’re going to live longer than Methuselah.”
Moore: “Why thank you, Lord.”
Yahweh: “I’m doing it for myself, Roy. Goodbye.”
Moore: “Thanks for calling, Lord. I love ya.”
*Dial Tone*
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Eric the .5b
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Eric the .5b » 29 Dec 2017, 05:18

Aresen wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 00:44
Yahweh: “For you, Roy, I’m going to break my ‘no miracles’ rule. You’re going to live longer than Methuselah.”
:D
"Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer."
"Cyberpunk never really gave the government enough credit for their ability to secure a favorable prenup during the Corporate-State wedding." - Shem

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dead_elvis
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Re: Light laffs

Post by dead_elvis » 29 Dec 2017, 12:03

Aresen wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 00:44

Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

"Never forget: a war on undocumented immigrants by necessity is a war on all of our freedoms of association and movement."

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Warren
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Warren » 29 Dec 2017, 12:08

dead_elvis wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 12:03
Aresen wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 00:44

Yahweh: *Sigh gusts across the Cosmos* “Sometimes, it’s hard. But even Hillary Clinton. Even Vladimir Putin. Even, so help me, Christopher Hitchens."
Moore: “But he’s dead.”
Yahweh: “He is? Damn, I wonder why he hasn’t showed up.”
Moore: “He probably went to Hell, Lord. Like all the unbelievers.”
AN ALMIGHTY CRACK OF THUNDER SHAKES THE WHOLE OF ALABAMA
This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

Most amusing. Much lulz.
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Aresen
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Aresen » 29 Dec 2017, 16:44

dead_elvis wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 12:03
This reminds me of another Light Laff that's a favorite of mine:

Brilliant. But I'd take the cream cake.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Sandy
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Sandy » 29 Dec 2017, 17:01

Aresen wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 16:44
Brilliant. But I'd take the cream cake.
Ditto, and I'd also be happy that it was other people able to see clearly who I'd be around with for eternity, not fealtybots.
Hindu is the cricket of religions. You can observe it for years, you can have enthusiasts try to explain it to you, and it's still baffling. - Warren

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Mo
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Light laffs

Post by Mo » 29 Dec 2017, 19:37

Perfect way to end 2017.

Image
Last edited by Mo on 29 Dec 2017, 20:11, edited 1 time in total.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Warren
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Warren » 29 Dec 2017, 19:53

Mo wrote:
29 Dec 2017, 19:37
Perfect way to end 2017.

Image
no image
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Mo
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Mo » 29 Dec 2017, 20:11

Fixed
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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the innominate one
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Re: Light laffs

Post by the innominate one » 04 Jan 2018, 22:29

Good news, since SMOD isn't going to be here any time soon.

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." -E Benn

"No shit, Sherlock." -JsubD

"now is the time to go fuck yourself until you die." -dhex

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Warren
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Re: Light laffs

Post by Warren » 09 Jan 2018, 15:18

Image
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