News that could have been in the Onion

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Kolohe
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Kolohe » 30 Jun 2016, 11:11

The Guardian changed their headline!

The original one was something like "Mutilated Body Washes Up on Rio Beach To Be Used for Olympic Volleyball". ("Why aren't they using the normal regulation ball?")
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 09 Dec 2016, 19:32

Fuck this cunt right in the pussy.
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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 20 Dec 2016, 23:04

his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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dhex
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by dhex » 21 Dec 2016, 11:50

Chuck E cheese fights with parents are a genre of YouTube video. They are amusing, then deeply disheartening in short order.
"I do wear my New Balance tennis shoes when I'm wearing cargo shorts, though, because truth in advertising." - lunch

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dbcooper
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by dbcooper » 30 Dec 2016, 18:02

Slip inside a sleeping bag.

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 30 Dec 2016, 18:10

It’s not difficult to do the math on how driverless cars could change the equation. An estimated 94 percent of motor-vehicle accidents involve some kind of a driver error. As the number of vehicles with human operators falls, so too will the preventable fatalities. In June, Christopher A. Hart, the chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board, said, “Driverless cars could save many if not most of the 32,000 lives that are lost every year on our streets and highways.” Even if self-driving cars only realize a fraction of their projected safety benefits, a decline in the number of available organs could begin as soon as the first wave of autonomous and semiautonomous vehicles hits the road—threatening to compound our nation’s already serious shortages.
All the more reason why we should allow children to walk to school by themselves.
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Kolohe
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Kolohe » 30 Dec 2016, 18:14

Aresen wrote:
It’s not difficult to do the math on how driverless cars could change the equation. An estimated 94 percent of motor-vehicle accidents involve some kind of a driver error. As the number of vehicles with human operators falls, so too will the preventable fatalities. In June, Christopher A. Hart, the chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board, said, “Driverless cars could save many if not most of the 32,000 lives that are lost every year on our streets and highways.” Even if self-driving cars only realize a fraction of their projected safety benefits, a decline in the number of available organs could begin as soon as the first wave of autonomous and semiautonomous vehicles hits the road—threatening to compound our nation’s already serious shortages.
All the more reason why we should allow children to walk to school by themselves.
I don't think children's organs are developed enough. But encouraging drinking and driving among teenagers may work.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 30 Dec 2016, 19:20

Kolohe wrote:
Aresen wrote:
It’s not difficult to do the math on how driverless cars could change the equation. An estimated 94 percent of motor-vehicle accidents involve some kind of a driver error. As the number of vehicles with human operators falls, so too will the preventable fatalities. In June, Christopher A. Hart, the chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board, said, “Driverless cars could save many if not most of the 32,000 lives that are lost every year on our streets and highways.” Even if self-driving cars only realize a fraction of their projected safety benefits, a decline in the number of available organs could begin as soon as the first wave of autonomous and semiautonomous vehicles hits the road—threatening to compound our nation’s already serious shortages.
All the more reason why we should allow children to walk to school by themselves.
I don't think children's organs are developed enough. But encouraging drinking and driving among teenagers may work.
All the more reason to lower the drinking age.
Bitch about Brexit to your hearts content, but stay out of my historical movies. - Nick Hodges

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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 30 Dec 2016, 20:11

The headline is clickbaity, but they're not wrong.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Highway
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Highway » 30 Dec 2016, 21:13

Mo wrote:
The headline is clickbaity, but they're not wrong.
They're not wrong, but I also found the article fairly tactless. Just a quick "Oh, sure it'll be better that a lot of people won't die" and then back to guilt-tripping about how there are so many people in such bad shape on the organ waiting lists. I think there's plenty messed up about the way organ waiting lists are done now, and they go over a lot of it. But the overall tone was just really not good for me reading it.
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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 30 Dec 2016, 21:18

Adhering to a more practical definition of brain death, and applying it more stringently, would not only yield more organ donations, it would also have a good effect on the gene pool.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 30 Dec 2016, 21:23

thoreau wrote:Adhering to a more practical definition of brain death, and applying it more stringently, would not only yield more organ donations, it would also have a good effect on the gene pool.
thoreau, you wouldn't want an organ from a congressperson or state legislator, let alone a city councilor.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 30 Dec 2016, 22:54

Aresen wrote:
thoreau wrote:Adhering to a more practical definition of brain death, and applying it more stringently, would not only yield more organ donations, it would also have a good effect on the gene pool.
thoreau, you wouldn't want an organ from a congressperson or state legislator, let alone a city councilor.
Well struck sir.
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Fin Fang Foom
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Fin Fang Foom » 31 Dec 2016, 10:59

I am in favor of allowing the "sale" of organs. Even if said sale is tightly regulated and is a flat amount of money paid by the government, it would be a good deal in most cases. Good deal in that it would result in better outcomes for the person needing the organ, and the government would usually be spending less than they do now people in organ failure.

The government paying a flat amount (like $100k for a live one and $10k for dead) would alleviate conccerns about rich people buying organs on the open market as well as stories of people waking up (or being found) in a bathtub full of ice after "selling" their organs.

Not libertarian, but better thant he status quo.

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Painboy
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Painboy » 31 Dec 2016, 11:17

Mo wrote:
The headline is clickbaity, but they're not wrong.
Yeah I thought that the article decent enough even if it was delivered in hand wringing fashion.

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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by lunchstealer » 02 Jan 2017, 02:32

Do we really need to wait for accidents to harvest organs from motorcyclists?
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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 02 Jan 2017, 11:47

lunchstealer wrote:Do we really need to wait for accidents to harvest organs from motorcyclists?
Bicyclists in spandex would be better.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Eric the .5b
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Eric the .5b » 02 Jan 2017, 12:24

Painboy wrote:
Mo wrote:
The headline is clickbaity, but they're not wrong.
Yeah I thought that the article decent enough even if it was delivered in hand wringing fashion.
It's still someone managing to wring their hands over the prospect of innocent people not dying in large numbers. Numbers that vastly exceed the number of people who die from lack of donor organs.
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Sandy
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Sandy » 02 Jan 2017, 13:04

Aresen wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:Do we really need to wait for accidents to harvest organs from motorcyclists?
Bicyclists in spandex would be better.
I think we just need a social justice approach to cycling, where traffic laws = infraction plus power. The bicycle has no power in a collision, so no traffic law is broken by them. Therefore, red lights are for cars and trucks to check their privilege.

That should fix the organ donation shortage.
Hindu is the cricket of religions. You can observe it for years, you can have enthusiasts try to explain it to you, and it's still baffling. - Warren

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 02 Jan 2017, 13:42

Sandy wrote:
Aresen wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:Do we really need to wait for accidents to harvest organs from motorcyclists?
Bicyclists in spandex would be better.
I think we just need a social justice approach to cycling, where traffic laws = infraction plus power. The bicycle has no power in a collision, so no traffic law is broken by them. Therefore, red lights are for cars and trucks to check their privilege.

That should fix the organ donation shortage.
Image

Most of those donations will involve intersectional incidents.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Highway
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Highway » 02 Jan 2017, 15:30

Sandy wrote:
Aresen wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:Do we really need to wait for accidents to harvest organs from motorcyclists?
Bicyclists in spandex would be better.
I think we just need a social justice approach to cycling, where traffic laws = infraction plus power. The bicycle has no power in a collision, so no traffic law is broken by them. Therefore, red lights are for cars and trucks to check their privilege.

That should fix the organ donation shortage.
Then the victim olympics get all ramped up with pedestrians...
"Sharks do not go around challenging people to games of chance like dojo breakers."


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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 02 Jan 2017, 21:23

What kind of Trump's America do we live in if a 37 year old man can't date a 16 year old?
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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dbcooper
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by dbcooper » 02 Jan 2017, 21:26

Mo wrote:What kind of Trump's America do we live in if a 37 year old man can't date a 16 year old?
:)
Slip inside a sleeping bag.

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Kolohe
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Kolohe » 02 Jan 2017, 21:35

Doesn't the 16 year old need to be from a European country that had a communist goverment sometime in the 20th century?
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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