News that could have been in the Onion

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 31 Aug 2015, 20:01

nicole wrote:
Hugh Akston wrote:Apparently some Ohio politicians are still being kind of dicks about Denali.
"The Ohio delegation certainly didn't hear about this from the president," he said. "I’m certain he didn’t notify President McKinley’s descendants, who find this outrageous. Clearly this is a president who is not concerned with the deliberative process."
I wonder how the people who actually live in Alaska feel about it?

I mean, if you're looking to name a majestic peak after McKinley, there are good local options.
PR is the second fucking stupidest thing in the universe.
The Washington Post wrote:Since 1917, the peak known to Athabascans as "Denali," or "the Great One,"
I never imagined that Athabascans were hockey fans...
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Fin Fang Foom
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Fin Fang Foom » 31 Aug 2015, 20:26

So it's been Uluru for a long time, right?
". . . even the federalist folk are probably a bit wary, and they're essentially cosplaying the preacher from footloose." - dhex

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Kwix
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Kwix » 01 Sep 2015, 16:12

Hugh Akston wrote:Apparently some Ohio politicians are still being kind of dicks about Denali.
"The Ohio delegation certainly didn't hear about this from the president," he said. "I’m certain he didn’t notify President McKinley’s descendants, who find this outrageous. Clearly this is a president who is not concerned with the deliberative process."
I wonder how the people who actually live in Alaska feel about it.
Most of us here call it Denali anyway. There are a couple of folks who are pissed off about it, not because of the name change but because of the unilateral action taken to do so. That and it's a black, democrat president not the gift that is Sarah Palin.
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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 01 Sep 2015, 16:27

Kwix wrote:the gift that is Sarah Palin.
Wait, what?
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Kwix
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Kwix » 01 Sep 2015, 17:05

thoreau wrote:
Kwix wrote:the gift that is Sarah Palin.
Wait, what?
Eh, some folks here still like Palin. They will also vote for Trump. Next.
"pedialyte is like planned parenthood for hangovers. it costs you a bit, but it makes your little problem go away until the next time you drink too much."-- dhex
"Sweet tea is the archvillain in Wilford Brimley's origin story." -- Ellie

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Highway
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Highway » 23 Sep 2015, 10:33

Mom flees car because of spider on her shoulder, leaving it in gear (reverse) with her 9-year old son in the back seat. Son tries to climb into driver seat to stop the car, but presses wrong pedal, resulting in a collision with a school bus. Child has minor head injuries, but seems otherwise ok.
"Sharks do not go around challenging people to games of chance like dojo breakers."

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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 23 Sep 2015, 11:31

Highway wrote:Mom flees car because of spider on her shoulder, leaving it in gear (reverse) with her 9-year old son in the back seat. Son tries to climb into driver seat to stop the car, but presses wrong pedal, resulting in a collision with a school bus. Child has minor head injuries, but seems otherwise ok.
What? She wasn't arrested? CPS didn't take the kid!? Dogs and cats living together?
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 29 Sep 2015, 16:52

THIS SPACE FOR RENT

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Sandy
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Sandy » 03 Oct 2015, 20:33

Hindu is the cricket of religions. You can observe it for years, you can have enthusiasts try to explain it to you, and it's still baffling. - Warren

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 03 Nov 2015, 11:52

Man dressed as Scarecrow punches Tin Man, runs away with Cowardly Lion

Not really Onion. More "News of the Weird"
INNISFIL, Ont. -- He doesn't appear to have used that brain the Wizard gave him.

Police say officers dispatched to a fight call early Saturday in Innisfil, Ont., found a man dressed as the Tin Man from "The Wizard of Oz" being treated for injuries.

South Simcoe police say witnesses at the Stroud Arena -- who were dressed as Dorothy, Glinda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the East -- said the Tin Man had been punched by his friend the Scarecrow.

In a release, police say "the Scarecrow didn't have the brains to stick around, and ran away with the Cowardly Lion."
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

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Highway
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Highway » 09 Nov 2015, 17:55

"Sharks do not go around challenging people to games of chance like dojo breakers."

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 09 Nov 2015, 19:03

That is delicious. It's more fun than watching a building implode.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by D.A. Ridgely » 09 Nov 2015, 19:34

Aresen wrote:
That is delicious. It's more fun than watching a building implode.
On Oct. 1, as she left court in the leak case, she dropped another bombshell: The email scandal also involved U.S. attorneys, attorneys general and a Supreme Court justice who had voted along with the rest of the court just days earlier to suspend Kane's law license. That justice is now being investigated for possible judicial misconduct.
I always suspected Ginsberg was a perv.

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Dangerman
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Dangerman » 09 Nov 2015, 22:36

Did they mean the PA SC?

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Fin Fang Foom
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Fin Fang Foom » 09 Nov 2015, 22:58

Dangerman wrote:Did they mean the PA SC?
Yes.
". . . even the federalist folk are probably a bit wary, and they're essentially cosplaying the preacher from footloose." - dhex

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D.A. Ridgely
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by D.A. Ridgely » 10 Nov 2015, 00:11

Fin Fang Foom wrote:
Dangerman wrote:Did they mean the PA SC?
Yes.
Yeah, but that doesn't prove Ginsburg isn't a perv!

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 27 Nov 2015, 16:18

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by dbcooper » 05 Dec 2015, 21:03

Fight leads to woman stabbed at Art Basel Miami Beach

Both women were patrons of the art show, not exhibitors. Some patrons thought the stabbing was a performance art presentation. Others believed the police tape cordoning off an area of the convention center was part of an art installation.
Slip inside a sleeping bag.

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 05 Dec 2015, 23:53

dbcooper wrote:
Fight leads to woman stabbed at Art Basel Miami Beach

Both women were patrons of the art show, not exhibitors. Some patrons thought the stabbing was a performance art presentation. Others believed the police tape cordoning off an area of the convention center was part of an art installation.
Considering what passes for 'art' nowadays, I would have assumed the stabbing to be performance art. Or a critic who suddenly became possessed of true aesthetic sense and decided to remove one poseur on his way out.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

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Taktix®
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Taktix® » 19 Jan 2016, 09:34

So, is it going to be El Ceballo now?

The Onion Sold To Univision
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Sandy
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Sandy » 30 Mar 2016, 15:37

This also qualifies as an almost perfect Darwin Award:

Prophet Fails to Resurrect After Telling Followers to Bury Him Alive
Hindu is the cricket of religions. You can observe it for years, you can have enthusiasts try to explain it to you, and it's still baffling. - Warren

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 30 Mar 2016, 15:45

Sandy wrote:This also qualifies as an almost perfect Darwin Award:

Prophet Fails to Resurrect After Telling Followers to Bury Him Alive
Before we give the Darwin Award we need to know if he passed on his DNA before failing to resurrect. Some of those prophets love nothing more than to spread their seed amongst the nubile young female followers.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Sandy
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Sandy » 30 Mar 2016, 15:51

thoreau wrote:
Sandy wrote:This also qualifies as an almost perfect Darwin Award:

Prophet Fails to Resurrect After Telling Followers to Bury Him Alive
Before we give the Darwin Award we need to know if he passed on his DNA before failing to resurrect. Some of those prophets love nothing more than to spread their seed amongst the nubile young female followers.
Well, clearly his spread has been limited relative to what it would have been had he resurrected or simply chosen a less fatal ritual.
Hindu is the cricket of religions. You can observe it for years, you can have enthusiasts try to explain it to you, and it's still baffling. - Warren

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 15 Jun 2016, 18:32

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem


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