News that could have been in the Onion

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Tuco
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Tuco » 12 Apr 2018, 07:00

Fin Fang Foom wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:48
All teachers and students must master escrima.
I am voting for you. If old man Quijote taught us anything, it's that if you're going to be futile, do it in fucking style.

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Shem
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Shem » 12 Apr 2018, 13:56

"VOTE SHEMOCRACY! You will only have to do it once!" -Loyalty Officer Aresen

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JasonL
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by JasonL » 12 Apr 2018, 14:01

It sounds terrible but it is a thing to be discussed. The revenue model has to shift, and you should talk about that.

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 12 Apr 2018, 14:12

Child laborers who need constant treatments are less productive and require more expensive maintenance than the ones who can be cured and then indentured as payment for the cure.

Do you guys even libertarian?
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Shem
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Shem » 12 Apr 2018, 14:57

JasonL wrote:
12 Apr 2018, 14:01
It sounds terrible but it is a thing to be discussed. The revenue model has to shift, and you should talk about that.
It does, but what kind of moron is dumb enough to pose the question that way? People are already suspicious that profit motive keeps them from getting care. Do you want nationalized medicine? Because that's how you get nationalized medicine.
"VOTE SHEMOCRACY! You will only have to do it once!" -Loyalty Officer Aresen

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JasonL
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by JasonL » 12 Apr 2018, 15:07

Agree. I'd like the world to be like "of course profitability = sustainability of the thing we want to do" but that's totes out of bound to say out loud.

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JD
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by JD » 12 Apr 2018, 16:56

New Yorkers call the police to report a tiger on the loose! But it turned out just to be a large raccoon.
"Millennials are lazy. They'd rather have avocado toast than cave in a man's skull with a tire iron!" -FFF

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Ellie
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Ellie » 12 Apr 2018, 17:18

It must have been an extremely large raccoon!
I should have listened to Warren. He was right again as usual.

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Eric the .5b
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Eric the .5b » 12 Apr 2018, 18:41

Fin Fang Foom wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:48
All teachers and students must master escrima.
Well, put that way...
"Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer."
"Cyberpunk never really gave the government enough credit for their ability to secure a favorable prenup during the Corporate-State wedding." - Shem

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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 20 Apr 2018, 09:43

JD wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:43
OK, it's not quite as dumb as a bucket of rocks, but...Millcreek School District Arms Teachers with Baseball Bats

...oh wait, yes it is just as dumb:
According to Hall, the 16-inch bats were distributed to each teacher, following an in-service training day on how to respond to school shootings.
...
Hall says the bats are primarily "symbolic", but they are now an option for teachers to use, should they need to fight back in a school shooting.

Millcreek Education Association president Jon Cacchione says he supports the decision to arm teachers with bats, which will be locked up in each classroom.
My prediction: within 1 year, about 300 of the bats will have gone missing and the majority of the remaining 200 will be covered in dust and shoved behind other things in the back of the closet.
In fairness, a brickbat can be a somewhat effective weapon in close quarters.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Eric the .5b
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Eric the .5b » 20 Apr 2018, 15:02

I still want to see high school escrima tourneys.
"Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer."
"Cyberpunk never really gave the government enough credit for their ability to secure a favorable prenup during the Corporate-State wedding." - Shem

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lunchstealer
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by lunchstealer » 20 Apr 2018, 15:14

I didn't know that this wasn't just an alternate spelling of l'escrime.
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Pham Nuwen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Pham Nuwen » 21 Apr 2018, 00:15

Escrima?

*sigh*

Fine. I'll google it. But It had better not awaken anything in me dammit.
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leave me to my mescaline smoothie in peace, please. dhex

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JasonL
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by JasonL » 21 Apr 2018, 08:13

Still waiting for the escrima Jedi

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JD
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by JD » 23 Apr 2018, 12:15

Mo wrote:
20 Apr 2018, 09:43
JD wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:43
OK, it's not quite as dumb as a bucket of rocks, but...Millcreek School District Arms Teachers with Baseball Bats

...oh wait, yes it is just as dumb:
According to Hall, the 16-inch bats were distributed to each teacher, following an in-service training day on how to respond to school shootings.
...
Hall says the bats are primarily "symbolic", but they are now an option for teachers to use, should they need to fight back in a school shooting.

Millcreek Education Association president Jon Cacchione says he supports the decision to arm teachers with bats, which will be locked up in each classroom.
My prediction: within 1 year, about 300 of the bats will have gone missing and the majority of the remaining 200 will be covered in dust and shoved behind other things in the back of the closet.
In fairness, a brickbat can be a somewhat effective weapon in close quarters.
Not sure I understand the applicability - a brickbat is not any kind of bat.
"Millennials are lazy. They'd rather have avocado toast than cave in a man's skull with a tire iron!" -FFF

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 23 Apr 2018, 12:56

Pham Nuwen wrote:
21 Apr 2018, 00:15
Escrima?

*sigh*

Fine. I'll google it. But It had better not awaken anything in me dammit.
Before I googled it, I guessed several possibilites:

1) A new face cream produced by L'Oreal
2) Advanced macrame
3) A new dairy product
4) A new dating app

None of them seemed to fit the context of the conversation.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 23 Apr 2018, 13:45

JD wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 12:15
Mo wrote:
20 Apr 2018, 09:43
JD wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:43
OK, it's not quite as dumb as a bucket of rocks, but...Millcreek School District Arms Teachers with Baseball Bats

...oh wait, yes it is just as dumb:
According to Hall, the 16-inch bats were distributed to each teacher, following an in-service training day on how to respond to school shootings.
...
Hall says the bats are primarily "symbolic", but they are now an option for teachers to use, should they need to fight back in a school shooting.

Millcreek Education Association president Jon Cacchione says he supports the decision to arm teachers with bats, which will be locked up in each classroom.
My prediction: within 1 year, about 300 of the bats will have gone missing and the majority of the remaining 200 will be covered in dust and shoved behind other things in the back of the closet.
In fairness, a brickbat can be a somewhat effective weapon in close quarters.
Not sure I understand the applicability - a brickbat is not any kind of bat.
I believe what is now known as a tire thumper was also known as a brick bat.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 24 Apr 2018, 10:26

Mo wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 13:45
JD wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 12:15
Mo wrote:
20 Apr 2018, 09:43
JD wrote:
11 Apr 2018, 13:43
OK, it's not quite as dumb as a bucket of rocks, but...Millcreek School District Arms Teachers with Baseball Bats

...oh wait, yes it is just as dumb:
According to Hall, the 16-inch bats were distributed to each teacher, following an in-service training day on how to respond to school shootings.
...
Hall says the bats are primarily "symbolic", but they are now an option for teachers to use, should they need to fight back in a school shooting.

Millcreek Education Association president Jon Cacchione says he supports the decision to arm teachers with bats, which will be locked up in each classroom.
My prediction: within 1 year, about 300 of the bats will have gone missing and the majority of the remaining 200 will be covered in dust and shoved behind other things in the back of the closet.
In fairness, a brickbat can be a somewhat effective weapon in close quarters.
Not sure I understand the applicability - a brickbat is not any kind of bat.
I believe what is now known as a tire thumper was also known as a brick bat.
I don't think so.
Gentrification is undocumented immigration for the left-leaning. - Shem

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Mo
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Mo » 24 Apr 2018, 10:32

Regardless, a tire thumper is a small baseball bat and makes a decent weapon.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Aresen
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 07 May 2018, 16:04

If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Most people don't realize Stephen King downplayed the horror that is Maine. - Jennifer

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Warren
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by Warren » 07 May 2018, 16:25

I err... okay.

WTF CNN? That video is 30 years old. It's not like the man has been living in a cave all this time.
Gentrification is undocumented immigration for the left-leaning. - Shem

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thoreau
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Re: News that could have been in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 07 May 2018, 18:29

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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