Hallmark Holidays

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D.A. Ridgely
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Hallmark Holidays

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

One of the many things I love about my wife is that she shares my indifference to Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, etc. We celebrate birthdays, Easter, Independence Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and that's it.

There's an episode of "The Newsroom" in which one character exclaims "Valentine's Day is my favorite day of the year!" to which her best friend says "Well that's too bad because it's every guy's least favorite day."

Just so. However, lots of chocolate goes on sale tomorrow, so there's that.

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JD
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Joined: 05 May 2010, 15:26

Re: Hallmark Holidays

Post by JD »

My wife and I had a kind of joke bet about who could get who the most horrifying, tacky gift for less than $20. She won because I didn't think she really meant to follow through with it, so I didn't. But she would have won anyway: she found a giant card (like 18"x24") featuring a cartoon sloth and the words "Kiss me...I've got all day!" but the really horrifying thing is that the sloth has a giant pair of puffy red lips which are also chocolate wrapped in red foil. Actually, the card distinctly says "MILK CHOCOLATE FLAVOR", which really leaves it ambiguous exactly what it is... And then she pushed it over the top with a milk chocolate shaped and wrapped like a beer bottle and the label says "Will you BEER my valentine?"
I sort of feel like a sucker about aspiring to be intellectually rigorous when I could just go on twitter and say capitalism causes space herpes and no one will challenge me on it. - Hugh Akston

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Warren
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Re: Hallmark Holidays

Post by Warren »

Doesn't come anywhere near a gift-wrapped HPT with a positive result and an embossed PSYCHE label stuck on the underside.
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Aresen
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Re: Hallmark Holidays

Post by Aresen »

"I don't want you to do anything for me for Valentine's Day."

-The deadliest mantrap in history.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

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dead_elvis
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Joined: 01 May 2010, 15:26

Re: Hallmark Holidays

Post by dead_elvis »

I'm lucky to have a spouse that doesn't care about it, but I still try and give her something amusing if it's not too much trouble. Season 4 of Better Call Saul dropped on Netflix a few days ago and now I'm kicking myself that I didn't come across this in time to print up before valentine's day:
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1d9y84qzzxg41.jpg (24.45 KiB) Viewed 315 times
"Never forget: a war on undocumented immigrants by necessity is a war on all of our freedoms of association and movement."

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Jennifer
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Joined: 28 Apr 2010, 14:03

Re: Hallmark Holidays

Post by Jennifer »

Imma cut and paste what I wrote on Facebook yesterday:
Annual reminder: before the Hallmark Corporation appropriated this day, St. Valentine was best known as the patron saint of fainting, epilepsy, beekeepers and the plague. (Just in case you thought YOU were too cynical about the holiday.)

I don't really do Hallmark holidays, which is why I never join "romantic Valentine story" discussions lest I come across like one of those college students who manages to work the phrase "I don't even OWN a television" into every conversation about the latest shows. But since I'm tired of feeling left out, lemme share the one and only one Valentine story I have with Jeff: our first Valentine's Day as an official living-together couple fell on a Friday.

About a month before this, Jeff came home from work one evening and started telling a long, rambling story, and I could tell "Okay, he's nervous about something, and beating around the bush to get to it, but ... what?"

So he's talking about this woman he works with who is getting married this Valentine's Day, and another woman who was engaged to be married but her fiance had already moved out of state for a good job, and the second woman is supposed to be a bridesmaid at the first woman's wedding, and is really nervous because her fiance will not be able to attend and she needs a man to escort her because she's part of the bridal party and there's no way her fiance can make it from Pennsylvania to Connecticut that evening unless he takes the day off from work but they really can't afford that and she needs a man to escort her because she's supposed to be a bridesmaid but her fiance is in Pennsylvania and....

After a couple more repetitions I finally interrupted Jeff. "So Modesty wants you to be her escort at Linda's wedding?" Jeff nodded with a sort of "brace yourself" expression on his face, and I said airily "Oh, yeah, you've GOT to take her. A woman can't be unescorted in a wedding party. That looks wrong. Off-balance." And I still remember the look of relieved amazement I saw on Jeff's face just before I returned to my book.

Next evening, after work, the phone rang. Jeff answered it, and 'twas an odd conversation from my perspective: after the initial greeting, all he ever said was "Uh-huh .... uh-huh ... uh-huh... nuh-uh..." all while "casually" glancing at the display case where I kept my small collection of Swarovski figurines. (This was when I still actively added to my collection, before the company changed its focus from making "everyday-item replicas" to "cartoon characters and tacky bling-bling jewelry.") I had my suspicions regarding the call, but said nothing and pretended to be so engrossed in my book I didn't even notice.

The following evening my suspicions were confirmed. Jeff came home from work with a tiny gift-wrapped box: Modesty had bought me something to thank me for the loan of my boyfriend. When I first got the box, I joked, "Aw, hell, I'm always happy to pimp out my boyfriend in exchange for gifts!" and when I opened it and saw a small Swarovski crystal globe of the world I added "She's allowed to fuck you. But only once! If she wants a second go-round it'll cost her another piece of crystal." (Jeff promptly called Modesty to tell her how her gift went over, and I could hear her horrified gasp when Jeff told her "She said you can fuck me" ... followed by her laughter when he continued "... but only once, and if you want me to do you again you have to buy her more crystal.")

So that's my one romantic Valentine's Day story: for mine and Jeff's first V-Day together, I sat home all by myself while he dressed up far better than usual, and went out drinking and dancing with another woman. (However, since I only ever got the one piece of crystal out of the deal, I'm fairly certain drinking and dancing was ALL they did.)
"Myself, despite what they say about libertarians, I think we're actually allowed to pursue options beyond futility or sucking the dicks of the powerful." -- Eric the .5b

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