Eric the .5b wrote: ↑
15 Jan 2018, 20:56
I'm generally perfectly fine with the idea of enthusiastic consent, but goddamn
, I think it's on you
if, absent any intimidation or threat or whatever, you go down on someone instead of just indicating in some way that you don't wanna. If you can't bring yourself to say "no", then maybe you just don't have sexual agency and so shouldn't be going on dates. Sexual assault isn't a game of mother-may-I.
I think of enthusiastic consent as a good standard for decent individuals to hold themselves to (as well as anyone else with whom they discuss sexual experiences) but a dangerous yardstick for the purpose of "Has this person transgressed to the point where I think they should be exiled from professional life?" If she didn't name Ansari, if it were presented as an example of how a person can fail to read another person's mood because they're being a jerk, I'd chalk it up as an interesting example to discuss because it's a case where BOTH parties have failed: He really is a jerk here, and she really is passive to the point where the Victorians would be all "See, we told you that the ladies can't handle a culture of permissiveness around pre-marital sex!"
I think the Victorian comparison brings up some interesting class issues here. The article
describes her as "a 23-year-old Brooklyn-based photographer, then aged 22." Who somehow got into an Emmy Awards after-party. I'll go out on a limb that she's "Of A Certain Class." Victorian mores were also just for ladies "Of A Certain Class." Nobody was going to give a shit if a young woman working some low-wage job was in an unpleasant encounter with a coarse male. We're in an era of substantial economic polarization*, coupled with increasing opportunities to insulate oneself from dissenting perspectives in our media consumption. Polarization can actually lead to more rather than fewer people "of a certain class", living in a certain kind of bubble, getting a certain kind of education, and they'll be getting their ideas reinforced in the right kind (wrong kind?) of media bubble, and having access to reporters of a sympathetic mindset. So there are fewer and fewer people who might say to them "Wait, you blew him because you didn't feel like saying 'no'?" There are more and more people around them who can get in front of a microphone to agree with them that Aziz Ansari needs to be cast out from polite society, or that their liberal arts college should expel a guy for similar offenses.
If we absolutely MUST re-enact the Victorian era can we at least have some cool steampunk RPG dystopia/utopia stuff along the way.
*Calm down, everyone, I'm not calling for Bernie to do anything about this.