The F Word

User avatar
D.A. Ridgely
Posts: 20130
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:09
Location: The Other Side

Re: The F Word

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

Jadagul wrote:
20 Feb 2020, 17:44
Shem wrote:
20 Feb 2020, 17:24
In the run-up to marriage, many couples, particularly those of a more progressive bent, will encounter a problem: What is to be done about the last name?
There's no real wrong answer; it should all be to personal choice.
Some have attempted work-arounds...or—more creative—Smilors.
Except that. That is wrong, and if you do it, you should be beaten with a rattan cane until you see sense
Is "smilor" supposed to mean something to me?
Some have attempted work-arounds: the Smiths and Taylors who have become Smith-Taylors, Taylor-Smiths, or—more creative—Smilors.

User avatar
Hugh Akston
Posts: 19455
Joined: 05 May 2010, 15:51
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Angeles

Re: The F Word

Post by Hugh Akston »

Jadagul wrote:
20 Feb 2020, 17:44
Shem wrote:
20 Feb 2020, 17:24
In the run-up to marriage, many couples, particularly those of a more progressive bent, will encounter a problem: What is to be done about the last name?
There's no real wrong answer; it should all be to personal choice.
Some have attempted work-arounds...or—more creative—Smilors.
Except that. That is wrong, and if you do it, you should be beaten with a rattan cane until you see sense
Is "smilor" supposed to mean something to me?
It's in the linked article, a portmanteau of Smith and Taylor.
"Is a Lulztopia the best we can hope for?!?" ~Taktix®
"Somali pirates are beholden to their hostages in a way that the USG is not." ~Dangerman

User avatar
Jadagul
Posts: 7516
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 18:51

Re: The F Word

Post by Jadagul »

Thanks. I didn't scroll up enough to see the article again.

And I agree. This seems like a perfectly good excuse to beat someone with a rattan cane.

User avatar
Eric the .5b
Posts: 14834
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 16:29

Re: The F Word

Post by Eric the .5b »

If you're combining a smith and a tailor, they should be the Maillers.
"Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer."
Cet animal est très méchant / Quand on l'attaque il se défend.

User avatar
Andrew
Posts: 7110
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 21:52
Location: Vale of Eternal Fire

Re: The F Word

Post by Andrew »

When this discussion has come up at work, I enjoy telling the "keeping my name" side that they're doing excellent work fighting the patriarchy by keeping their father's name instead of taking their husband's.
We live in the fucked age. Get used to it. - dhex

User avatar
nicole
Posts: 10676
Joined: 12 Jan 2013, 16:28

Re: The F Word

Post by nicole »

Andrew wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 06:29
When this discussion has come up at work, I enjoy telling the "keeping my name" side that they're doing excellent work fighting the patriarchy by keeping their father's name instead of taking their husband's.
Yeah. Any discussion of the patriarchy in this context is dumb for that reason. But the paperworkarchy means one is work and one isn’t.
"Fucking qualia." -Hugh Akston

"Sliced bagels aren't why trump won; it's why it doesn't matter who wins." -dhex

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

You mean the bureauarchy?
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
Hugh Akston
Posts: 19455
Joined: 05 May 2010, 15:51
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora Reina de los Angeles

Re: The F Word

Post by Hugh Akston »

nicole wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 07:35
Andrew wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 06:29
When this discussion has come up at work, I enjoy telling the "keeping my name" side that they're doing excellent work fighting the patriarchy by keeping their father's name instead of taking their husband's.
Yeah. Any discussion of the patriarchy in this context is dumb for that reason. But the paperworkarchy means one is work and one isn’t.
You've already crossed the paperwork Rubicon by applying for a state conjugal license in the first place. It's not clear that declining to do that extra little bit is some kind of act of resistance against the forces of oppression.
"Is a Lulztopia the best we can hope for?!?" ~Taktix®
"Somali pirates are beholden to their hostages in a way that the USG is not." ~Dangerman

User avatar
nicole
Posts: 10676
Joined: 12 Jan 2013, 16:28

Re: The F Word

Post by nicole »

Hugh Akston wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 09:25
nicole wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 07:35
Andrew wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 06:29
When this discussion has come up at work, I enjoy telling the "keeping my name" side that they're doing excellent work fighting the patriarchy by keeping their father's name instead of taking their husband's.
Yeah. Any discussion of the patriarchy in this context is dumb for that reason. But the paperworkarchy means one is work and one isn’t.
You've already crossed the paperwork Rubicon by applying for a state conjugal license in the first place. It's not clear that declining to do that extra little bit is some kind of act of resistance against the forces of oppression.
It's actually a lot of extra stuff you have to do. You have to deal with multiple government agencies (SSA, DMV, passport, etc), your banks (including all CC providers, mortgage lenders, etc), your employer, your utilities...

ETA but my point is it's not an act of resistance, it's an act of not doing a bunch of work
"Fucking qualia." -Hugh Akston

"Sliced bagels aren't why trump won; it's why it doesn't matter who wins." -dhex

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

nicole wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 09:42
Hugh Akston wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 09:25
nicole wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 07:35
Andrew wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 06:29
When this discussion has come up at work, I enjoy telling the "keeping my name" side that they're doing excellent work fighting the patriarchy by keeping their father's name instead of taking their husband's.
Yeah. Any discussion of the patriarchy in this context is dumb for that reason. But the paperworkarchy means one is work and one isn’t.
You've already crossed the paperwork Rubicon by applying for a state conjugal license in the first place. It's not clear that declining to do that extra little bit is some kind of act of resistance against the forces of oppression.
It's actually a lot of extra stuff you have to do. You have to deal with multiple government agencies (SSA, DMV, passport, etc), your banks (including all CC providers, mortgage lenders, etc), your employer, your utilities...

ETA but my point is it's not an act of resistance, it's an act of not doing a bunch of work
spoken like a true subgenius.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
D.A. Ridgely
Posts: 20130
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:09
Location: The Other Side

Re: The F Word

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

It is a lot of work to get your name changed on every card, account, etc. Everything from bank accounts and any insurance policies to driver's licenses, passports and your library card. Now when you apply for a job and list, e.g., your references and degrees, you have to say "Oh, but they'd know me / the name on the diploma, etc. is Mary Jones, not Mary Smith." And so on.

Yes, you need a marriage license and that is an intrusive bit of bureaucracy, but because marriage remains a legal status change as well as a contractual matter between the parties, the license serves as sufficient documentation of, for example, the fact that you have become each other's legal next of kin. (Could all of this be done by a simple contract? In principle, yes; in practice, no.)

As for the supercilious observation that the woman is in all likelihood merely retaining some other male's surname, i.e., her father's, that's true but she didn't have a choice then, did she?

If women want to take their new spouse's surname for whatever reasons, most of which I'd probably disagree with personally, that's fine with me. My wife kept her surname back in the 70s when doing so was still very rare and we or she had to explain the decision too often to people whose damned business it was definitely not, plus stupid questions like "But what will you call the kids?" But if I had been the woman, I'd still have thought it less bother and less insulting than presumptively giving up my original family name.

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

Which name did you give the kids?
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
D.A. Ridgely
Posts: 20130
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:09
Location: The Other Side

Re: The F Word

Post by D.A. Ridgely »

Warren wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 15:13
Which name did you give the kids?
I suggested we give boys my surname and girls hers but she said she'd rather they all get my surname, so that's what we did. Not sure if that's vestigial patriarchy or something about her relationship with her father at that point, but there it is.

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

D.A. Ridgely wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 15:15
Warren wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 15:13
Which name did you give the kids?
I suggested we give boys my surname and girls hers but she said she'd rather they all get my surname, so that's what we did. Not sure if that's vestigial patriarchy or something about her relationship with her father at that point, but there it is.
Yeah whatever, doesn't matter. I was hoping you roshambo'd for it though.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
Dangerman
Posts: 6936
Joined: 07 May 2010, 12:26

Re: The F Word

Post by Dangerman »

My parents keep their family names and gave my sister and I a hyphen, which I don't recommend to anybody. Also, I know several Boomer couples who combined their names into some kind of portmanteau for their kids.

User avatar
Shem
Posts: 8277
Joined: 27 Apr 2010, 00:27

Re: The F Word

Post by Shem »

Dangerman wrote:
21 Feb 2020, 19:37
My parents keep their family names and gave my sister and I a hyphen, which I don't recommend to anybody.
I think I can probably guess, but I'm still curious to know why.
Also, I know several Boomer couples who combined their names into some kind of portmanteau for their kids.
I just don't get that. The point of giving your kid your name is a link with history. If you're going to break with that, why not just go all in and give the kid something cool like "Rowsdower?"
"VOTE SHEMOCRACY! You will only have to do it once!" -Loyalty Officer Aresen

User avatar
Jadagul
Posts: 7516
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 18:51

Re: The F Word

Post by Jadagul »

One of my exes, when her parents married, they talked about it and realized they didn't like either of their last names, so they just went ahead and picked a new one.

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

Or just you know, don't give them a last name. Be all mononymous like Bono or Madonna.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
Mo
Posts: 25582
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:08

Re: The F Word

Post by Mo »

Being mononymous has a whole host of other paperwork issues.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

User avatar
Aresen
Posts: 16962
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 20:18
Location: Great White Pacific Northwest

Re: The F Word

Post by Aresen »

Warren wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 09:30
Or just you know, don't give them a last name. Be all mononymous like Bono or Madonna.
Mo wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 09:44
Being mononymous has a whole host of other paperwork issues.
We're headed for a world where we're all nothing more than our IP address anyways.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

Mo wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 09:44
Being mononymous has a whole host of other paperwork issues.
Really? Like what?
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
Ellie
Posts: 13214
Joined: 21 Apr 2010, 18:34

Re: The F Word

Post by Ellie »

I wanted to pick a new last name together when we got married, but David wouldn't go for it, and yes, I do still resent him for that :D
"Yours is the much better comeback." -JD

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

Ellie wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 10:20
I wanted to pick a new last name together when we got married, but David wouldn't go for it, and yes, I do still resent him for that :D
It was because you wanted Busheter wasn't it?
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

User avatar
Mo
Posts: 25582
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:08

Re: The F Word

Post by Mo »

Warren wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 10:04
Mo wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 09:44
Being mononymous has a whole host of other paperwork issues.
Really? Like what?
Try to make a hotel or flight reservation without a last name. I would hypothesize that at least two thirds of databases in the public and private sector have first and last name as a mandatory field.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

User avatar
Warren
Posts: 29684
Joined: 26 Apr 2010, 17:03
Location: Goat Rope MO
Contact:

Re: The F Word

Post by Warren »

Mo wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 11:01
Warren wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 10:04
Mo wrote:
22 Feb 2020, 09:44
Being mononymous has a whole host of other paperwork issues.
Really? Like what?
Try to make a hotel or flight reservation without a last name. I would hypothesize that at least two thirds of databases in the public and private sector have first and last name as a mandatory field.
Yeah okay. But I'd think you could use "n/a" or "none" or something.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

Post Reply