News that WAS in the Onion

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thoreau
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News that WAS in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 25 Jul 2015, 00:43

We have a thread for news articles that could have been in the Onion, and a thread for Onion articles that could be real. Now here's an Onion article that WAS real!

Onion, July 14, 2015: U.S. Soothes Upset Netanyahu With Shipment Of Ballistic Missiles

Haaretz, July 15, 2015: After Vienna accord, Obama offers military upgrade to help Israel swallow bitter Iranian deal

EDIT TO FIX URL
Last edited by thoreau on 25 Jul 2015, 21:57, edited 1 time in total.
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Mo
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Mo » 25 Jul 2015, 21:27

What does seagull attacks have to do with missiles?
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

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thoreau
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by thoreau » 25 Jul 2015, 21:58

Oops, I had a bunch of tabs open at once and selected the wrong "News of the weird" article. I fixed it now.

Though, come to think of it, the PM worrying over seagull attacks could also be an Onion headline.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
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dbcooper
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by dbcooper » 30 Jul 2015, 06:35

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07 ... s-not-all/
The book adds that Biden “swims nude at the vice president’s residence in Washington and at his home in Delaware, offending female agents.”
Slip inside a sleeping bag.

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lunchstealer
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by lunchstealer » 30 Jul 2015, 09:10

dbcooper wrote:http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07 ... s-not-all/
The book adds that Biden “swims nude at the vice president’s residence in Washington and at his home in Delaware, offending female agents.”
And titillating male agents?
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

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Hugh Akston
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Hugh Akston » 30 Jul 2015, 11:29

That's a poorly constructed sentence because the "offended females agents" clause should be independent of the "swam nude" clause.
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lunchstealer
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by lunchstealer » 30 Jul 2015, 23:41

Hugh Akston wrote:That's a poorly constructed sentence because the "offended females agents" clause should be independent of the "swam nude" clause.
Yeah, Delaware seems fairly inoffensive.
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"We can't confirm rumors that Lynndie England is in the running to be Gina Haspel's personal aide." - DAR

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Highway
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Highway » 30 Jul 2015, 23:55

It almost seems to me that Biden would be the kind of guy who sees something about him in The Onion, and then thinks "Hey, that sounds pretty cool, I'm gonna do that!"
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Aresen
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Aresen » 30 Jul 2015, 23:58

lunchstealer wrote:
dbcooper wrote:http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07 ... s-not-all/
The book adds that Biden “swims nude at the vice president’s residence in Washington and at his home in Delaware, offending female agents.”
And titillating male agents?
Only if said male agents are into Geezer Porn.

As for the female agents, they can take a bullet for Hillary instead.
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Ellie
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Ellie » 31 Jul 2015, 10:27

lunchstealer wrote:
dbcooper wrote:http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07 ... s-not-all/
The book adds that Biden “swims nude at the vice president’s residence in Washington and at his home in Delaware, offending female agents.”
And titillating male agents?
:lol: :lol: 8-) 8-)
"He's just an idiot elected by idiots." - Pham

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Mo
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Mo » 09 May 2019, 16:53

2015 The Onion
Guantanamo Bay Begins Construction On Senior Care Wing
https://www.theonion.com/guantanamo-bay ... 1819578153

2019 NYTimes
Guantánamo Bay as Nursing Home: Military Envisions Hospice Care as Terrorism Suspects Age
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/27/us/p ... -care.html
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Eric the .5b
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Re: News that WAS in the Onion

Post by Eric the .5b » 09 May 2019, 20:21

Yeah, I just saw that and was going to link...

Fuck.

(And thanks, Obama...)
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