Oh Florida...

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Taktix®
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Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 19 Dec 2014, 08:17

Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
"Guilty as charged. Go ahead and ban me from the mall." - Ellie

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Aresen
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Aresen » 19 Dec 2014, 10:42

Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Jennifer » 19 Dec 2014, 10:54

Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
Crimes against the elderly have been their own class of crimes for a long time now, as another variant of "pick on someone your own size or bigger." Perfectly valid, IMO -- yeah, knocking down a little old lady with porcelain-fragile hipbones is and should be a more severe offense than knocking down a young adult in prime-of-life. Bad to assault anybody, worse to assault someone weaker and in much worse health than you. See also: crimes by adults against children tend to be punished more harshly than the same crime against adults.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Ellie » 19 Dec 2014, 11:15

Aresen wrote:OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
If we're going to start bringing charges for internet assaults on humanity, I think the first warrant we need to put out is on Upworthy.
I should have listened to Warren. He was right again as usual.

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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 19 Dec 2014, 11:21

Ellie wrote:
Aresen wrote:OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
If we're going to start bringing charges for internet assaults on humanity, I think the first warrant we need to put out is on Upworthy.
I like where this is going. If we can find any connection to Gawker media, we can take them all down via RICO!
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Aresen » 19 Dec 2014, 11:29

Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
Crimes against the elderly have been their own class of crimes for a long time now, as another variant of "pick on someone your own size or bigger." Perfectly valid, IMO -- yeah, knocking down a little old lady with porcelain-fragile hipbones is and should be a more severe offense than knocking down a young adult in prime-of-life. Bad to assault anybody, worse to assault someone weaker and in much worse health than you. See also: crimes by adults against children tend to be punished more harshly than the same crime against adults.
No. No. A thousand times no. Specifying a class of individuals as sacrosanct is not acceptable.*

What should be done is that the laws themselves should recognize the consequences of the crime involved and allow the consequences to be taken into consideration. The consequences are important, not the particular demographic of the victim.

*That is how we got started on the whole "assault on a police officer" as an excuse for a beat-down thing.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by JasonL » 19 Dec 2014, 13:05

Ellie wrote:
Aresen wrote:OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
If we're going to start bringing charges for internet assaults on humanity, I think the first warrant we need to put out is on Upworthy.
This is a mostly safe place, so I just submit that you'd be surprised at the violations of principle I might undertake to purge Upworthy from this earth.

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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Jennifer » 19 Dec 2014, 13:12

Aresen wrote:
Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
Crimes against the elderly have been their own class of crimes for a long time now, as another variant of "pick on someone your own size or bigger." Perfectly valid, IMO -- yeah, knocking down a little old lady with porcelain-fragile hipbones is and should be a more severe offense than knocking down a young adult in prime-of-life. Bad to assault anybody, worse to assault someone weaker and in much worse health than you. See also: crimes by adults against children tend to be punished more harshly than the same crime against adults.
No. No. A thousand times no. Specifying a class of individuals as sacrosanct is not acceptable.*
Agreed, but not every case of specifying a class of individuals out for different legal treatment is necessarily synonymous with making them "sacrosanct," nor is it "discrimination," either. Like it or not, there are actual unavoidable biological differences between infants, children, adolescents, prime adults and the elderly, differences important enough that some distinctions in law are necessary, IMO. Of course, which specific distinctions should be made is a completely different debate.

EDIT: Typos
Last edited by Jennifer on 19 Dec 2014, 13:32, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by thoreau » 19 Dec 2014, 13:24

"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
I believe that in south Florida that is a redundant term for "Felony Aggravated Battery on a Person."
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by tr0g » 19 Dec 2014, 13:37

Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
Crimes against the elderly have been their own class of crimes for a long time now, as another variant of "pick on someone your own size or bigger." Perfectly valid, IMO -- yeah, knocking down a little old lady with porcelain-fragile hipbones is and should be a more severe offense than knocking down a young adult in prime-of-life. Bad to assault anybody, worse to assault someone weaker and in much worse health than you. See also: crimes by adults against children tend to be punished more harshly than the same crime against adults.
No. No. A thousand times no. Specifying a class of individuals as sacrosanct is not acceptable.*
Agreed, but not every case of specifying a class of individuals out for different legal treatment is necessarily synonymous with making them "sacrosanct," nor is it "discrimination," either. Like it or not, there are actual unavoidable biological differences between infants, children, adolescents, prime adults and the elderly, differences important enough that some distinctions in law are necessary, IMO. Of course, which specific distinctions should be made is a completely different debate.

EDIT: Typos
I tend to think that this is why you have a range of sentences for assault. If you punch some mostly healthy guy in the head and give him a fat lip, your sentence is on the low end. If you pop somebody's 80 year old gramdma in the mouth, she accidentally swallows her dentures, you break her jaw and she fall downs and blows out a hip, your sentence is on the high end of the scale.

Of course, our current elaborate and over-precise sentencing guidelines were a reaction to what some perceived as lenient sentences for well-connected criminals, so the pendulum swings both ways.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 19 Dec 2014, 13:42

thoreau wrote:
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
I believe that in south Florida that is a redundant term for "Felony Aggravated Battery on a Person."
...or will be once they open up the borders to Cuba again...
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Jennifer
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Jennifer » 19 Dec 2014, 14:36

tr0g wrote:
Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Jennifer wrote:
Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Florida seems to always have crazy shit go down within its borders. Now there's a thread for that.

Such as: Woman beats up her grandma for not accepting her friend request.
OFFS. I think Christmas dinner is going to be a little subdued this year.
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
OFFS for this, too. Does every possible permutation of assault need its own law?

Maybe there is a law for "Felony Unfriending on an Internet Website" that the grandmother can be charged with.
Crimes against the elderly have been their own class of crimes for a long time now, as another variant of "pick on someone your own size or bigger." Perfectly valid, IMO -- yeah, knocking down a little old lady with porcelain-fragile hipbones is and should be a more severe offense than knocking down a young adult in prime-of-life. Bad to assault anybody, worse to assault someone weaker and in much worse health than you. See also: crimes by adults against children tend to be punished more harshly than the same crime against adults.
No. No. A thousand times no. Specifying a class of individuals as sacrosanct is not acceptable.*
Agreed, but not every case of specifying a class of individuals out for different legal treatment is necessarily synonymous with making them "sacrosanct," nor is it "discrimination," either. Like it or not, there are actual unavoidable biological differences between infants, children, adolescents, prime adults and the elderly, differences important enough that some distinctions in law are necessary, IMO. Of course, which specific distinctions should be made is a completely different debate.

EDIT: Typos
I tend to think that this is why you have a range of sentences for assault. If you punch some mostly healthy guy in the head and give him a fat lip, your sentence is on the low end. If you pop somebody's 80 year old gramdma in the mouth, she accidentally swallows her dentures, you break her jaw and she fall downs and blows out a hip, your sentence is on the high end of the scale.

Of course, our current elaborate and over-precise sentencing guidelines were a reaction to what some perceived as lenient sentences for well-connected criminals, so the pendulum swings both ways.
And, of course, even assuming an ideal where the pendulum is exactly where it "should" be (wherever that is), there's still kind of a problem with having the criminal penalty of an act tied entirely to the outcome. I'm comfortable with the idea that punching that 80-year-old Grandma in the mouth automatically nets a higher sentence than the standard sentence you deserve for deliberately punching anybody in the mouth, even if she happens to be super-grandma, in Great Shape For Her Age, similar to how (for example) I think the mere act of "firing a weapon into a crowded place" should be illegal and have consequences of its own, even if you're a kickass or super-lucky shot and absolutely nobody got hit.

Paraphrasing Sideshow Bob: "Attempted murder? They don't give Nobel Prizes for attempted chemistry." Yeah, well, even if nobody gets hurt, you still deserve penalties for that.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by D.A. Ridgely » 19 Dec 2014, 19:12

thoreau wrote:
"Felony Aggravated Battery on an Elderly Person."
I believe that in south Florida that is a redundant term for "Felony Aggravated Battery on a Person."
More like a synonym for nursing home hijinks.

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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 24 Dec 2014, 09:26

Here's the type of things that go on where decisions are made governing a state of 20 million modern people: "Catholic Warrior" Vandalizes Satanic Display
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Highway » 24 Dec 2014, 09:47

What, is it like a Religion Fair at the state cock and balls? Put up your crappy diorama, and then people walk by to judge?
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 24 Dec 2014, 09:52

Highway wrote:What, is it like a Religion Fair at the state cock and balls? Put up your crappy diorama, and then people walk by to judge?
Bicameral legislature? That's what she said...
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by lunchstealer » 24 Dec 2014, 10:43

Taktix® wrote:Here's the type of things that go on where decisions are made governing a state of 20 million modern people: "Catholic Warrior" Vandalizes Satanic Display
It's a good thing she didn't spot my Invisible Pink Unicorn display.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Fin Fang Foom » 24 Dec 2014, 10:47

Taktix® wrote:Here's the type of things that go on where decisions are made governing a state of 20 million modern people: "Catholic Warrior" Vandalizes Satanic Display
All that matters is that the judge makes her ask the Satanic Church for forgiveness.

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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Aresen » 24 Dec 2014, 10:47

Highway wrote:What, is it like a Religion Fair at the state cock and balls? Put up your crappy diorama, and then people walk by to judge?
I kinda like that. Lets the people know they are gonna get screwed.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Aresen » 24 Dec 2014, 10:52

Fin Fang Foom wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Here's the type of things that go on where decisions are made governing a state of 20 million modern people: "Catholic Warrior" Vandalizes Satanic Display
All that matters is that the judge makes her ask the Satanic Church for forgiveness.
Or the local Catholic and Satanist Bishops hold a Ecumenical Service of Reconciliation.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Taktix® » 24 Dec 2014, 10:57

Aresen wrote:
Fin Fang Foom wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Here's the type of things that go on where decisions are made governing a state of 20 million modern people: "Catholic Warrior" Vandalizes Satanic Display
All that matters is that the judge makes her ask the Satanic Church for forgiveness.
Or the local Catholic and Satanist Bishops hold a Ecumenical Service of Reconciliation.
Serious Theology Question (lol): Does the Pope, as Christ's representative on Earth and all the powers that come with that title, have the authority to forgive Lucifer the Archangel?
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Aresen » 24 Dec 2014, 11:01

Taktix® wrote:Serious Theology Question (lol): Does the Pope, as Christ's representative on Earth and all the powers that come with that title, have the authority to forgive Lucifer the Archangel?
I am no expert on Roman Catholicism, but I believe the Pope, when speaking Ex-Cathedra, can pretty well change any doctrine of the faith.

TBS, if Frank were to do as you suggest, the resulting schism would be interesting.

(And Ian Paisley would probably rise out of his grave to say "I told you so!")
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Jennifer » 24 Dec 2014, 12:36

Aresen wrote:
Taktix® wrote:Serious Theology Question (lol): Does the Pope, as Christ's representative on Earth and all the powers that come with that title, have the authority to forgive Lucifer the Archangel?
I am no expert on Roman Catholicism, but I believe the Pope, when speaking Ex-Cathedra, can pretty well change any doctrine of the faith.

TBS, if Frank were to do as you suggest, the resulting schism would be interesting.

(And Ian Paisley would probably rise out of his grave to say "I told you so!")
If I were an actual Catholic theologian taking the question seriously, my inclination would be to say that no, the Pope cannot forgive Lucifer because that's out of his jurisdiction: the Pope is God's/Christ's representative on Earth, dealing with Earthly matters, whereas the whole Satan/God schism didn't happen on Earth but an entirely different "plane of existence," or whatever the term is.
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by thoreau » 24 Dec 2014, 12:45

Dick Cheney is Protestant, so he would never seek forgiveness from a Catholic prelate and hence the question is moot.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Oh Florida...

Post by Warren » 24 Dec 2014, 13:06

thoreau wrote:Dick Cheney is Protestant, so he would never seek forgiveness from a Catholic prelate and hence the question is moot.
Wait what? I thought Dick Cheney was Satan's handmaiden. Though now that I think about it, that doesn't preclude him from being a Protestant. :twisted:
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