Onion that could've been in The News

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JD
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by JD »

I sort of feel like a sucker about aspiring to be intellectually rigorous when I could just go on twitter and say capitalism causes space herpes and no one will challenge me on it. - Hugh Akston

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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe »

I would think they each just bring their own set of Syrians to battle it out.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo »

Onion is better at social commentary than most any other site.

https://www.theonion.com/tips-for-stayi ... 1827147411
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Warren
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Warren »

Mo wrote:
28 Jun 2018, 15:10
Onion is better at social commentary than most any other site.

https://www.theonion.com/tips-for-stayi ... 1827147411
Most of that makes me :roll:
But I'll sign onto this:
Find common ground by recognizing that some kids are huge assholes.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

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"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

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"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen »

If it weren't for the nut-punchiness, I'd laugh.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer »

This seems to be a true thing.

"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"Dude she's the Purdue Pharma of the black pill." - Also JasonL

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Fin Fang Foom
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Fin Fang Foom »

I like the totally unhinged one for the Hunger Games.

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Jennifer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Jennifer »

"Political scientists reassure Americans that stripping minorities of citizenship usually where descent into fascism peters out"
CHAPEL HILL, NC—Responding to concern about the Trump administration accusing hundreds of Hispanic people living near the U.S.–Mexico border of having fraudulent birth certificates and revoking their passports, political scientists reassured Americans Thursday that stripping minority groups of their citizenship is usually where the descent into fascism peters out. “I know people might be worried that a targeted effort by a country’s leaders to erode the civil liberties and question the citizenship of a specific minority group is some ominous sign of even worse things to come, but in nearly all cases, this actually represents the low-water mark for fascism,” said Brian Snelling, professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, echoing the sentiments of political scientists around the country in explaining that the Trump administration’s accelerating use of white supremacist beliefs, discrimination, and violence to guide policy-making was actually a sure sign that egalitarian democracy was just around the corner. “This is a classic historical trend—an increasingly authoritarian ruler repeatedly demonizes a minority group with false accusations, increases the illegal imprisonment and deportation of members of that minority group who don’t have proper documentation in an effort to get people accustomed to the idea that something about this minority group is inherently criminal, starts essentially just questioning those minorities’ rights to exist at all, and then everything goes back to normal in six months or so. In virtually every fascist regime throughout history, the creation of detention centers for a minority group is simply the first sign that those detention centers are about to go away. So we urge you not to judge the Trump administration for denying citizens passports based on race, as that’s the sign that fascism is about to come to an end.” Political scientists also reassured Americans that since a country’s descent into fascism virtually always just goes away on its own, there was absolutely no need for anyone to do anything.
"Myself, despite what they say about libertarians, I think we're actually allowed to pursue options beyond futility or sucking the dicks of the powerful." -- Eric the .5b

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen »

If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo »

I’m a little disappointed in Clickhole for this effort. There is no “coming out party”, the word ‘cotillion’, or a party in the Hamptons or Kennebunkport. It just feels mailed in.

https://www.clickhole.com/he-was-rich-s ... 1828897590
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe »

I was frankly expecting a Kavanaugh-esque turn as the stinger.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer »

Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-cla ... 1830106306
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"Dude she's the Purdue Pharma of the black pill." - Also JasonL

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

lunchstealer wrote:
30 Oct 2018, 22:28
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-cla ... 1830106306
I believe that that has been the actual legal basis for much of the GWOT.
"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen »

lunchstealer wrote:
30 Oct 2018, 22:28
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-cla ... 1830106306
Also known as the "Andrew Jackson Clause" ("John Marshall has made his decision; now let him enforce it!"), recently updated by the "Barack Obama Amendment" ("I've got a pen, and I've got a phone.")
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer »

How many tank divisions does the Vatican have again?
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"Dude she's the Purdue Pharma of the black pill." - Also JasonL

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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Pham Nuwen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Pham Nuwen »

Goddamn libertarian message board. Hugh Akston

leave me to my mescaline smoothie in peace, please. dhex

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer »

Pretty much my FB feed today.
Beto Voter Struggling To Refocus Her Sexual Fantasies On Ted Cruz
https://politics.theonion.com/beto-vote ... 1830295575
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"Dude she's the Purdue Pharma of the black pill." - Also JasonL

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau »

The Onion wastes no time in going after Kamala Harris.

https://politics.theonion.com/kamala-ha ... 1831958905
"There are so few people at the Federal Mall it's almost as empty as it was at Trump's inauguration."
--D.A. Ridgely

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen »

thoreau wrote:
22 Jan 2019, 15:44
The Onion wastes no time in going after Kamala Harris.

https://politics.theonion.com/kamala-ha ... 1831958905
I'm gonna share that on FB. I have some liberal friends who won't get it.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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