Onion that could've been in The News

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JD
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by JD » 21 Jun 2018, 12:26

"Millennials are lazy. They'd rather have avocado toast than cave in a man's skull with a tire iron!" -FFF

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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe » 21 Jun 2018, 17:34

I would think they each just bring their own set of Syrians to battle it out.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 28 Jun 2018, 15:10

Onion is better at social commentary than most any other site.

https://www.theonion.com/tips-for-stayi ... 1827147411
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Warren
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Warren » 29 Jun 2018, 10:03

Mo wrote:
28 Jun 2018, 15:10
Onion is better at social commentary than most any other site.

https://www.theonion.com/tips-for-stayi ... 1827147411
Most of that makes me :roll:
But I'll sign onto this:
Find common ground by recognizing that some kids are huge assholes.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 16 Jul 2018, 18:51

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 31 Jul 2018, 18:35

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen » 31 Jul 2018, 20:41

If it weren't for the nut-punchiness, I'd laugh.
If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer » 02 Aug 2018, 17:52

This seems to be a true thing.

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Fin Fang Foom
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Fin Fang Foom » 02 Aug 2018, 18:00

I like the totally unhinged one for the Hunger Games.

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Jennifer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Jennifer » 01 Sep 2018, 14:41

"Political scientists reassure Americans that stripping minorities of citizenship usually where descent into fascism peters out"
CHAPEL HILL, NC—Responding to concern about the Trump administration accusing hundreds of Hispanic people living near the U.S.–Mexico border of having fraudulent birth certificates and revoking their passports, political scientists reassured Americans Thursday that stripping minority groups of their citizenship is usually where the descent into fascism peters out. “I know people might be worried that a targeted effort by a country’s leaders to erode the civil liberties and question the citizenship of a specific minority group is some ominous sign of even worse things to come, but in nearly all cases, this actually represents the low-water mark for fascism,” said Brian Snelling, professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, echoing the sentiments of political scientists around the country in explaining that the Trump administration’s accelerating use of white supremacist beliefs, discrimination, and violence to guide policy-making was actually a sure sign that egalitarian democracy was just around the corner. “This is a classic historical trend—an increasingly authoritarian ruler repeatedly demonizes a minority group with false accusations, increases the illegal imprisonment and deportation of members of that minority group who don’t have proper documentation in an effort to get people accustomed to the idea that something about this minority group is inherently criminal, starts essentially just questioning those minorities’ rights to exist at all, and then everything goes back to normal in six months or so. In virtually every fascist regime throughout history, the creation of detention centers for a minority group is simply the first sign that those detention centers are about to go away. So we urge you not to judge the Trump administration for denying citizens passports based on race, as that’s the sign that fascism is about to come to an end.” Political scientists also reassured Americans that since a country’s descent into fascism virtually always just goes away on its own, there was absolutely no need for anyone to do anything.
"Myself, despite what they say about libertarians, I think we're actually allowed to pursue options beyond futility or sucking the dicks of the powerful." -- Eric the .5b

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 05 Sep 2018, 23:47

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen » 06 Sep 2018, 00:06

If Trump supporters wanted a tough guy, why did they elect such a whiny bitch? - Mo

Those who know history are doomed to deja vu. - the innominate one

Never bring a knife to a joke fight" - dhex

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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 24 Sep 2018, 07:38

I’m a little disappointed in Clickhole for this effort. There is no “coming out party”, the word ‘cotillion’, or a party in the Hamptons or Kennebunkport. It just feels mailed in.

https://www.clickhole.com/he-was-rich-s ... 1828897590
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe » 24 Sep 2018, 08:22

I was frankly expecting a Kavanaugh-esque turn as the stinger.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex

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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 26 Sep 2018, 16:01

"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
--Shem

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