Onion that could've been in The News

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dhex
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by dhex » 01 Dec 2017, 07:44

all joking aside it's entirely possible.
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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 05 Dec 2017, 16:16

Break out the aloe
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

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Sandy
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Sandy » 06 Dec 2017, 10:37

Mo wrote: ↑
05 Dec 2017, 16:16
 Break out the aloe
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_b ... ted_States
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 19 Feb 2018, 20:44

https://www.theonion.com/video/3460928? ... =The_Onion
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Warren » 19 Feb 2018, 22:06

404 / Path /video/3460928 not found
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 16 Mar 2018, 11:35

Exhausted Mueller Trying To Find Trump Organization Russia Documents Amid Thousands Of Harassment Lawsuits.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
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Andrew
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Andrew » 02 Apr 2018, 10:16

http://thehardtimes.net/culture/report- ... hing-like/
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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 02 Apr 2018, 23:04

https://www.theonion.com/teen-on-birthr ... 1824265633
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Warren » 03 Apr 2018, 00:36

Brutal
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 06 Apr 2018, 13:12

Report: This Not A Gun
NEW YORK—In a discovery that flies in the face of conventional law enforcement wisdom of what does and does not constitute a deadly firearm, weapons and non-weapons experts alike reported Thursday that an array of objects including but not limited to steel pipes, wallets, and cell phones are not, in fact, guns. “After extensive research and careful analysis, we can definitively state that these objects are not guns and cannot inflict harm by firing bullets,” said head researcher Jerome Morvis, whose team found no reason why, despite obvious differences in the size, shape, and color of the objects in question, the items so often appear as firearms to the not-completely-untrained eye. “To any law enforcement officer unsure about the object a civilian is holding, we recommend looking at the firearm in your own hand and looking back for parallels between its physical qualities and those of the object in a suspect’s hands. If you find no similarities, the object does not pose an immediate danger.” In related news, the experts have released a guide to help law enforcement officials discern the difference between a gun and an African American man’s empty, upraised hand.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
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Pham Nuwen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Pham Nuwen » 06 Apr 2018, 22:04

https://www.postandcourier.com/politics ... be91e.html


*sigh*
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 11 Apr 2018, 23:22

Entitled Deadbeat Finally Breaks Out Of 20-Year Cycle Of Government Dependency
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
--Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer » 18 Apr 2018, 15:34

Poor JEB! just wanted to be lovable.
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 30 Apr 2018, 01:46

Russian Lawyer Admits To Repeatedly Informing Kremlin Of Trump Campaign’s Ineptitude
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
--Mo
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 07 May 2018, 01:58

I mean, this is basically happening.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
--Mo
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Pham Nuwen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Pham Nuwen » 08 May 2018, 14:29

http://deadline.com/2018/05/bill-and-te ... 202384903/

Thoreau! I summon you to this madness! Did you do this? Huh? Is this your work?
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 08 May 2018, 14:37

I don't do 80's reboots. Trump is the guy still living off an image from the 80's. Maybe this is his doing.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
--Mo
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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe » 08 May 2018, 14:42

thoreau wrote: ↑
08 May 2018, 14:37
 I don't do 80's reboots. Trump is the guy still living off an image from the 80's. Maybe this is his doing.
It would also explain how Ollie North is back on trend.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex
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thoreau
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by thoreau » 08 May 2018, 14:50

Can we have Airwolf back? I'm not much of an 80's guy but that show was fun.
"They were basically like D&D min maxers, but instead of pissing off their DM, they destroyed the global economy. Also, instead of their DM making a level 7 paladin fight a beholder as punishment, he got a +3 sword of turning."
--Mo
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Kolohe
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Kolohe » 09 May 2018, 10:33


Oliver North: @realDonaldTrump Should Sanction Iran and Anybody Who Does Business With Them @foxandfriends
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex
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lunchstealer
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by lunchstealer » 04 Jun 2018, 23:09

Bill Clinton Admits That Knowing What He Knows Now He Would Have Still Preyed On Women


https://politics.theonion.com/bill-clin ... 1826552944
"The constitution is more of a BDSM agreement with a safe word." - Sandy

"Neoliberalism. Austerity. Booga booga!!!!" - JasonL

"We can't confirm rumors that Lynndie England is in the running to be Gina Haspel's personal aide." - DAR
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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 20 Jun 2018, 16:19

One is real, one is the Onion.

Image
Image
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex
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JasonL
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by JasonL » 20 Jun 2018, 16:50

Whose quote is that?
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Mo
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Mo » 20 Jun 2018, 16:57

Article in Vanity Fair.

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/06 ... hite-house
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex
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Aresen
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Re: Onion that could've been in The News

Post by Aresen » 21 Jun 2018, 10:08

Not the Onion, but a similar British site:

Canada to legalise marijuana to help them cope with living next to America
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