Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

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thoreau
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 24 Jul 2012, 08:49

Step 1: Chair ad hoc committee
Step 2: ???
Step 3: FOUR STORY PHALLUS!!!
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Eric the .5b » 24 Jul 2012, 16:01

thoreau wrote:Step 1: Chair ad hoc committee
Step 2: ???
Step 3: FOUR STORY PHALLUS!!!
Oh, didn't realize we'd gotten a Minecraft thread.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 27 Jul 2012, 22:14

My wife spoke to them. They swore up and down that they'd have the gate code programmed today. Nope, not programmed.

This isn't the end of the world, because we do have a gate remote, but we want the access code so we can let people in.

More serious is that we still haven't gotten the pedestrian gate keys. So we can enter by car but not by foot. They swear that they sent these keys on Monday. Of course, they also said that they'd be on this a few weeks ago.

My wife has tried to be nice to them. On Monday I plan to call and be a jerk. Specifically, I plan to say "You know, I just got a bill for my association dues in the mail. And I'm wondering why I should bother paying it. I mean, you don't actually have to do anything that you have to do, so why should I?"
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Jennifer » 27 Jul 2012, 22:24

thoreau wrote:My wife has tried to be nice to them. On Monday I plan to call and be a jerk. Specifically, I plan to say "You know, I just got a bill for my association dues in the mail. And I'm wondering why I should bother paying it. I mean, you don't actually have to do anything that you have to do, so why should I?"
I'd suggest a modified version of jerkdom called faux niceness, or I Ask Only To Seek Information. (Marvin the depressed robot said that in the Hitchhiker's Guide series, when he asked various insulting questions to humans.) Call and ask them what percentage of your association dues you're supposed to withhold since they continue to withhold your keys and access codes. Maybe ask if you're supposed to CC the arbitration people on this. But not in a jerk way; in a friendly-but-clueless way. Perhaps you could go with an Absent-Minded Professor variation of the persona. You are not trying to put anybody on the defensive; you are asking only because you seek information.

(Besides, if you ask "Why should I pay" they can say "Because if you don't we can put a lien on your house.")
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 27 Jul 2012, 22:31

Jennifer wrote:Call and ask them what percentage of your association dues you're supposed to withhold since they continue to withhold your keys and access codes. Maybe ask if you're supposed to CC the arbitration people on this. But not in a jerk way; in a friendly-but-clueless way.
I'm pretty sure I'll sound like a jerk if I ask how much of my dues to withhold. But I no longer give a fuck. It appears that I am the only human being on the face of the earth who actually has to do what he's supposed to do. The Property Management Company doesn't have to, and my cow-orkers don't have to, but I have to.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 27 Jul 2012, 22:37

If they put a lien on my unit, I'm going to pain my exterior walls purple. Fuck 'em.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Jennifer » 27 Jul 2012, 22:53

thoreau wrote:
Jennifer wrote:Call and ask them what percentage of your association dues you're supposed to withhold since they continue to withhold your keys and access codes. Maybe ask if you're supposed to CC the arbitration people on this. But not in a jerk way; in a friendly-but-clueless way.
I'm pretty sure I'll sound like a jerk if I ask how much of my dues to withhold. But I no longer give a fuck. It appears that I am the only human being on the face of the earth who actually has to do what he's supposed to do. The Property Management Company doesn't have to, and my cow-orkers don't have to, but I have to.
Still, if you ask them why you should have to pay, they will have a whole list of valid legal reasons why. I'm not saying don't be a jerk; I'm saying don't be a jerk in a way that won't help you, but will let the condo twits score points against you.

You ask them how much you're supposed to withhold, they probably get confused (or perhaps a tad huffy) and say you're not supposed to withhold anything. So you ask (still merely asking for information, as a kindly but absent-minded professor) how you are supposed to respond to their not holding up their end of the bargain, regarding keys and passcodes and whatnot after all this time you've been there; are you supposed to pay the fee as usual only put it into an escrow account while the arbitrator handles this?

After my car got towed my first night here (the night we brought down the U-Haul, then returned to Connecticut next day) because the HOAhole for my rental couldn't bother to get me my parking pass on time, my landlady wasted several days trying to legitimately and nicely work through channels and the guy in charge was a complete stonewalling bureaucratic prick (as I learned when I saw the email chain between them),

I finally emailed the guy using a variant of the "asking merely for information" ploy: I pointed out that, since the townhome had been legally mine for over a week now yet I still could not park there, I must take exception to his use of the phrase "timely manner" to describe his handling of the situation, and since I am moving in for good tomorrow and he still has not seen fit to give me my parking pass, exactly where does he suggest I park my car? He wrote me back almost immediately, telling me I could pick up the pass at his office the next day; I told him I would not be in Virginia until well after business hours ended, but he could leave the pass in either my mailbox or my front door. And I found two passes -- not just one -- in my door when I arrived the next night.

See: not being an obvious jerk, no outright insult ; I merely asked for information and pointed out an incorrect use of language. (Yeah, of course the language bit was meant to make him feel stupid, but I didn't specifically CALL him stupid, or threaten to withhold payment, or anything he could legitimately complain about. If you outright threaten to withhold your fees or ask why you should pay them, you give them a legitimate legal complaint.)
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by pistoffnick » 28 Jul 2012, 18:59

thoreau wrote:If they put a lien on my unit, I'm going to pain my exterior walls purple. Fuck 'em.
Thoreau is talking about his purple unit again...someone get the tranq gun before he whips it out and does something inappropriate.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Sandy » 28 Jul 2012, 21:34

pistoffnick wrote:
thoreau wrote:If they put a lien on my unit, I'm going to pain my exterior walls purple. Fuck 'em.
Thoreau is talking about his purple unit again...someone get the tranq gun before he whips it out and does something inappropriate.
Forget it, Nick. He's gonna be jacking it in San Diego.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 31 Jul 2012, 16:46

Turns out that they did mail my keys about a week ago, and the post office never left a note saying that we have to pick something up. Still no excuse for taking so long to mail them in the first place (they should have sent the keys well before last week) but I reluctantly concede that this time the blame should be shared between the post office and the property management company.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by fyodor » 31 Jul 2012, 18:20

thoreau wrote:Turns out that they did mail my keys about a week ago, and the post office never left a note saying that we have to pick something up. Still no excuse for taking so long to mail them in the first place (they should have sent the keys well before last week) but I reluctantly concede that this time the blame should be shared between the post office and the property management company.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Highway » 25 Sep 2012, 17:31

Thread resurrection time!

We'll see if I get a note from the HOA. We're getting our house repainted, and had to pick a color for the trim. It was a navy blue, but not super dark. So getting basically everything from Sherwin Williams that was 'dark blue', we did our best to pick the same color. We went with one called Commodore, which was the darkest blue color that there was (the one called Naval I don't recall seeing, and it seems far too dark and hardly blue at all, and our previous color was definitely blue).

Well, it's on the house now, and a better name for it would be TARDIS Blue. I now want to put "POLICE BOX" in large block letters over the door. Maybe a flashing light above that. And the color is growing on me. But it's certainly not the same color that it was (which was really drab). So like I said now let's if I get a note from the HOA saying I need to change it.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by lunchstealer » 25 Sep 2012, 19:12

Highway wrote:Thread resurrection time!

We'll see if I get a note from the HOA. We're getting our house repainted, and had to pick a color for the trim. It was a navy blue, but not super dark. So getting basically everything from Sherwin Williams that was 'dark blue', we did our best to pick the same color. We went with one called Commodore, which was the darkest blue color that there was (the one called Naval I don't recall seeing, and it seems far too dark and hardly blue at all, and our previous color was definitely blue).

Well, it's on the house now, and a better name for it would be TARDIS Blue. I now want to put "POLICE BOX" in large block letters over the door. Maybe a flashing light above that. And the color is growing on me. But it's certainly not the same color that it was (which was really drab). So like I said now let's if I get a note from the HOA saying I need to change it.
With some angel statuary nearby?
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Mo » 25 Sep 2012, 19:46

his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Highway » 25 Sep 2012, 20:39

lunchstealer wrote:
Highway wrote:Thread resurrection time!

We'll see if I get a note from the HOA. We're getting our house repainted, and had to pick a color for the trim. It was a navy blue, but not super dark. So getting basically everything from Sherwin Williams that was 'dark blue', we did our best to pick the same color. We went with one called Commodore, which was the darkest blue color that there was (the one called Naval I don't recall seeing, and it seems far too dark and hardly blue at all, and our previous color was definitely blue).

Well, it's on the house now, and a better name for it would be TARDIS Blue. I now want to put "POLICE BOX" in large block letters over the door. Maybe a flashing light above that. And the color is growing on me. But it's certainly not the same color that it was (which was really drab). So like I said now let's if I get a note from the HOA saying I need to change it.
With some angel statuary nearby?
Hell no, those things creep me out. I'd rather put a dalek on the porch.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Warren » 25 Sep 2012, 21:13

Highway wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:
Highway wrote:Thread resurrection time!

We'll see if I get a note from the HOA. We're getting our house repainted, and had to pick a color for the trim. It was a navy blue, but not super dark. So getting basically everything from Sherwin Williams that was 'dark blue', we did our best to pick the same color. We went with one called Commodore, which was the darkest blue color that there was (the one called Naval I don't recall seeing, and it seems far too dark and hardly blue at all, and our previous color was definitely blue).

Well, it's on the house now, and a better name for it would be TARDIS Blue. I now want to put "POLICE BOX" in large block letters over the door. Maybe a flashing light above that. And the color is growing on me. But it's certainly not the same color that it was (which was really drab). So like I said now let's if I get a note from the HOA saying I need to change it.
With some angel statuary nearby?
Hell no, those things creep me out. I'd rather put a dalek on the porch.
A dalek would make a perfectly serviceable trash can. A cyberman lamp post would also be quite suitable.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by lunchstealer » 26 Sep 2012, 01:38

Warren wrote:
Highway wrote:
lunchstealer wrote:
Highway wrote:Thread resurrection time!

We'll see if I get a note from the HOA. We're getting our house repainted, and had to pick a color for the trim. It was a navy blue, but not super dark. So getting basically everything from Sherwin Williams that was 'dark blue', we did our best to pick the same color. We went with one called Commodore, which was the darkest blue color that there was (the one called Naval I don't recall seeing, and it seems far too dark and hardly blue at all, and our previous color was definitely blue).

Well, it's on the house now, and a better name for it would be TARDIS Blue. I now want to put "POLICE BOX" in large block letters over the door. Maybe a flashing light above that. And the color is growing on me. But it's certainly not the same color that it was (which was really drab). So like I said now let's if I get a note from the HOA saying I need to change it.
With some angel statuary nearby?
Hell no, those things creep me out. I'd rather put a dalek on the porch.
A dalek would make a perfectly serviceable trash can. A cyberman lamp post would also be quite suitable.
And some baby adipose qua garden gnomes.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by thoreau » 06 Feb 2013, 01:41

Last Thursday (1/31/2013) there was a note on our car saying that our parking spot will be painted on 3/1/2013. So we put it on our calendars and put it out of mind.

Today we got a note in the mail saying that we are in violation for not moving our car for painting. Perhaps there was a typo and the actual date was 2/1/2013, except our car was gone most of the day on 2/1/2013, and when we left in the morning (pretty early) there was no painting crew out there setting up. So I have no fucking clue when the car was supposed to move.

Fuck those idiots. I've never had a landlord that was as difficult as this. We'll have to call them in the morning to figure out WTF is going on.

I wish I had saved the notice, but we just put it on our calendars and didn't think to save the notice. I know, I know, in primary school real estate law they explain the importance of saving every scrap of paper from an HOA, but (1) I went to a shitty grade school that didn't offer any training in real estate law and (2) once I put a minor chore on my calendar for an automatic alert I often ditch or misplace the paper because I am not in the habit of documenting every minor chore. Well, so much for that. From now on, every communication with the property management company is going to be archived, with a copy going to a really insufferable lawyer who will be even more obnoxious to them than I am.

So help me God, I might just run for the Board so that I can fuck with these idiots. Either that or decorate my balcony with a giant phallus.
"ike Wile E. Coyote salivating over a "4000 Ways To Prepare Roadrunner" cookbook without watching his surroundings, the Road Runner of Societal Inertia snuck up on them both and beepbeeped them off the mesa."
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Timothy » 06 Feb 2013, 01:51

thoreau wrote: really insufferable lawyer .
Didn't know Randina was admitted to the CA bar.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Jennifer » 06 Feb 2013, 02:15

When I look at local real estate listings, and am tempted by the thought of how condos are sooo much less expensive than free-standing non-HOA houses .... I check this thread to regain my strength of will. But it sucks that Thoreau has to go through such bullshit.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Mo » 06 Feb 2013, 09:15

his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

no one ever yells worldstar when a pet gets fucked up - dhex

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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Mo » 06 Feb 2013, 09:16

Jennifer wrote:When I look at local real estate listings, and am tempted by the thought of how condos are sooo much less expensive than free-standing non-HOA houses .... I check this thread to regain my strength of will. But it sucks that Thoreau has to go through such bullshit.
There's a reason condos are less expensive. It's the regulatory overhang.
his voice is so soothing, but why do conspiracy nuts always sound like Batman and Robin solving one of Riddler's puzzles out loud? - fod

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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Ayn_Randian » 06 Feb 2013, 09:28

thoreau wrote:Last Thursday (1/31/2013) there was a note on our car saying that our parking spot will be painted on 3/1/2013. So we put it on our calendars and put it out of mind.

Today we got a note in the mail saying that we are in violation for not moving our car for painting. Perhaps there was a typo and the actual date was 2/1/2013, except our car was gone most of the day on 2/1/2013, and when we left in the morning (pretty early) there was no painting crew out there setting up. So I have no fucking clue when the car was supposed to move.

Fuck those idiots. I've never had a landlord that was as difficult as this. We'll have to call them in the morning to figure out WTF is going on.

I wish I had saved the notice, but we just put it on our calendars and didn't think to save the notice. I know, I know, in primary school real estate law they explain the importance of saving every scrap of paper from an HOA, but (1) I went to a shitty grade school that didn't offer any training in real estate law and (2) once I put a minor chore on my calendar for an automatic alert I often ditch or misplace the paper because I am not in the habit of documenting every minor chore. Well, so much for that. From now on, every communication with the property management company is going to be archived, with a copy going to a really insufferable lawyer who will be even more obnoxious to them than I am.

So help me God, I might just run for the Board so that I can fuck with these idiots. Either that or decorate my balcony with a giant phallus.
Do you make it a personal habit to passively-aggressively attack people, or is it just me you do that with?
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by Jasper » 06 Feb 2013, 09:30

Ayn_Randian wrote:
thoreau wrote:Last Thursday (1/31/2013) there was a note on our car saying that our parking spot will be painted on 3/1/2013. So we put it on our calendars and put it out of mind.

Today we got a note in the mail saying that we are in violation for not moving our car for painting. Perhaps there was a typo and the actual date was 2/1/2013, except our car was gone most of the day on 2/1/2013, and when we left in the morning (pretty early) there was no painting crew out there setting up. So I have no fucking clue when the car was supposed to move.

Fuck those idiots. I've never had a landlord that was as difficult as this. We'll have to call them in the morning to figure out WTF is going on.

I wish I had saved the notice, but we just put it on our calendars and didn't think to save the notice. I know, I know, in primary school real estate law they explain the importance of saving every scrap of paper from an HOA, but (1) I went to a shitty grade school that didn't offer any training in real estate law and (2) once I put a minor chore on my calendar for an automatic alert I often ditch or misplace the paper because I am not in the habit of documenting every minor chore. Well, so much for that. From now on, every communication with the property management company is going to be archived, with a copy going to a really insufferable lawyer who will be even more obnoxious to them than I am.

So help me God, I might just run for the Board so that I can fuck with these idiots. Either that or decorate my balcony with a giant phallus.
Do you make it a personal habit to passively-aggressively attack people, or is it just me you do that with?
It's easier to be a passive-aggressive dick to someone on the tubes than in real life with the HOA.
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Re: Rules, RVs, and a four-story phallus: the HOA thread

Post by JasonL » 06 Feb 2013, 09:35

Now AR you know it's not just you. T. Can make 10 passive aggressive kind for comic effect kind of butthurt statements each morning before coffee. We are all friends here, but that is the truth.

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