Have you accepted Nothing as your lord and savior?

[Fin Fang Foom]

Here’s the most insane justification of it being true ever. Why would people lie? Which basically means every religion is true.

https://www.redstate.com/tladuke/2018/0 ... lternative./

I'm glad all of the religious founders must have encountered Buddhism at some point and, being wise, no longer exist, at least not in the traditional sense. Also, since someone taught them the way to enlightenment, maybe Buddhism is the best religion, since Jesus, Mohammed, et al, would be Arhats and not Buddhas.

[Ellie]

The church where I work has Bibles in the pew racks. Fine*. They have recently added a number of Bibles geared towards children. Fine. One of these is entitled The Action Bible. Obviously I cannot remotely take this seriously


* As someone who was raised Catholic, I have only the merest passing knowledge of this "Bible" book, but whatever, Protestants gonna be weirdos

[Jennifer]

The church where I work has Bibles in the pew racks. Fine*. They have recently added a number of Bibles geared towards children. Fine. One of these is entitled The Action Bible. Obviously I cannot remotely take this seriously


* As someone who was raised Catholic, I have only the merest passing knowledge of this "Bible" book, but whatever, Protestants gonna be weirdos

At least it's not the Extreme Teen Bible!

[Aresen]

The church where I work has Bibles in the pew racks. Fine*. They have recently added a number of Bibles geared towards children. Fine. One of these is entitled The Action Bible. Obviously I cannot remotely take this seriously

[Jennifer]

John 18:29-40

29 So Pilate came out of his palace and was all like, “What's your beef with this dude?”

30 And the Jews were all like “He's totes guilty, and we wouldn't bother you if he wasn't.”

31 And Pilate was like, “Deal with him yourselves, because you have the problem with him, not me.” And they were like "But we wanna kill him only we can't so you have to."

32 This all happened because Jesus prophesied it, yo.

33 So Pilate went back into his pizzalace and asked Jesus, “Are you like the king of the Jews?”

34 And Jesus was like "Whatevs. Did you get that idea yourself or is someone talking shit about me?"

35 And Pilate was like "“Why would I be talking shit with Jews? It's your own folks what turned you in. What did you do to piss them off so much?”

36 And Jesus was like, “I'm too spiritual for this world. My servants only let me get arrested because I told them to. I have a kingdom in another place. Way cooler than this one. You don't know my kingdom, though. It goes to another school. In Canada.”

37 “You are a king, then!” said Pilate.

Jesus answered, “You keep saying that shit. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify, brotha. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”

38 “What is truth?” retorted Pilate. With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “Dude's nuts but that's not a crime.

39 But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release ‘the king of the Jews’?”

40 They shouted back, “No, not him! Give us Barabbas!” Because Barabbas led an uprising against The Man.

[Kolohe]

I would read more of the Extreme! Teen Bible. (heck, I've read large chunks of the Pidgin Bible, which is an actual thing)

Though I think a '10's Teen Bible needs to have more emojis.

(it's going to be nice in 3 years when we can finally readily use two digit nicknames for decades again)

[Highway]

I would read more of the Extreme! Teen Bible. (heck, I've read large chunks of the Pidgin Bible, which is an actual thing)

Though I think a '10's Teen Bible needs to have more emojis.

(it's going to be nice in 3 years when we can finally readily use two digit nicknames for decades again)

What, you don't like the British "noughties"?

[Warren]

The LOL Cat Bible puts all others to shame.

[dead_elvis]

Reminds me that I want to get the Crumb illustrated Genesis.

crumbäppelpäppel.jpg (138.28 KiB) Viewed 991 times

[Warren]

Reminds me that I want to get the Crumb illustrated Genesis.

crumbäppelpäppel.jpg

Oh shit. I did not know that was a thing. Crumb is the market.

[Jennifer]

Ellie's comment made me realize -- yeah, attempts at rewriting the Bible in various forms DOES seem to be a Protestant thing; I don't recall any Catholic versions of "Extreme Bibles" or "Hip-Hop Bibles" or "The Groovy Bible for Groovy Hippies" or anything like that.

[Kolohe]

They did it back in AD 405 with Vulgar Latin.

[Jadagul]

Ellie's comment made me realize -- yeah, attempts at rewriting the Bible in various forms DOES seem to be a Protestant thing; I don't recall any Catholic versions of "Extreme Bibles" or "Hip-Hop Bibles" or "The Groovy Bible for Groovy Hippies" or anything like that.

The Catholic Church has historically believed that the Bible was difficult enough that asking/allowing lay people to read it directly was a recipe for them getting confused and lead astray. Thus they should instead listen to the readings in Church where the priest could explain to them how to think about it properly.

The Protestants were historically a lot more focused on allowing/encouraging individuals to read and interpret the Bible for themselves. This is why they had such an emphasis on literacy.

[fyodor]

Here's another interesting comic adaptation, though I believe this one only covers certain portions.

[Jennifer]

I would read more of the Extreme! Teen Bible.

Just so there's no confusion -- that's not from the actual Extreme Teen Bible. That was just me making alterations to a cut and paste.

[dead_elvis]

The Catholic Church has historically believed that the Bible was difficult enough that asking/allowing lay people to read it directly was a recipe for them getting confused and lead astray. Thus they should instead listen to the readings in Church where the priest could explain to them how to think about it properly.

The Protestants were historically a lot more focused on allowing/encouraging individuals to read and interpret the Bible for themselves. This is why they had such an emphasis on literacy.

I'm tempted to say snarkily (having been raised lutheran) that maybe the Catholics weren't entirely wrong. But at the same time, I look at Catholics and Protestants in the real world and it's hard to say there is a consistent, meaningful, practical distinction to be found (despite my parents teaching us it was a weird cult). The protestant laity still generally relies on the pastor and it's not like that direct line to god has prevented any obvious perversions like prosperity gospel and televangelists.

Here's another interesting comic adaptation, though I believe this one only covers certain portions.

Interesting! His take on the Prodigal Son is... original.

[Jadagul]

Among casual churchgoers, Catholicism and a lot of the traditional high-church Protestant denominations have sort of collapsed together. Back when there were genuinely live philosophical disputes, this was one of the big ones.

But, like, you wouldn't expect to see Catholic religious education doing sword drills or anything like that. You would expect them to read a bunch of the Catholic Catechism instead.

[Kolohe]

I've never heard of that before. I suppose the Catholic equivalent is all the trivia games you can play with the lives of saints.

[Jadagul]

I mean, it used to be reasonably common to memorize large portions of the Baltimore Catechism.

But that's the point. Protestants memorize the Bible; Catholics memorize the Catechism.

[Jennifer]

Sudden thought: I know the gist of when the various Protestant strains broke off from Catholicism (Lutherans from Martin Luther, C of E/Episcopal with Henry VII, etc.) -- but when did the shorter Protestant Bible come to be a thing? When did the books of the Apocrypha become apocryphal for Protestants? "In addition to telling the Pope to suck it, we Protestants are also kicking Tobit, Judith, Bel and the Dragon and various associates of theirs out of the Bible" -- who did that first, and why?

[Jadagul]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apocrypha ... canonicity

[nicole]

When I was a kid and had to go to both Catholic and Protestant (Congregational) church regularly I thought it was so weird how Catholics were like completely not into the Bible, and had another book they used instead. Like they were using Cliff’s Notes or something...not that it was condensed but that they were reading a secondary source, so to speak, and didn’t really get into the primary one. I also thought it was weird that they used a real book to follow along like that every week, because that meant that all churches were doing the same thing, you hadn’t just written up and printed your own pamphlet for that week.

[Kolohe]

I mean, it used to be reasonably common to memorize large portions of the Baltimore Catechism.

But that's the point. Protestants memorize the Bible; Catholics memorize the Catechism.

Sorry, I meant I never heard of sword drills. I memorized a whole bunch of stuff in CCD (but I was always kind of good at that, when I was younger)

[thoreau]

Too many parishes have paid out too many settlements over people encouraging kids to play with someone's sword as part of religious education.

[Aresen]

Too many parishes have paid out too many settlements over people encouraging kids to play with someone's sword as part of religious education.

Not to mention, the Government of Canada.